


There's nothing wrong with you.

by nickvividly



Category: Minecraft (Video Game), Video Blogging RPF
Genre: Anxiety Attacks, Author is trans, Dadza, ERET AND TOMMY BFF LETS GOOO, Eret and Tubbo are brothers, FTM, Fluff and Angst, Gen, Gender Dysphoria, Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Implied/Referenced Rape/Non-con, More characters to be added, Other, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, References to Depression, SBI Family Dynamic, SBI INC, Suicide Attempt, Tommy needs a hug, Trans Character, Trans TommyInnit (Video Blogging RPF), Transphobia, i need comfort
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-02-12
Updated: 2021-03-07
Packaged: 2021-03-18 15:41:57
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 8
Words: 33,658
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29371008
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/nickvividly/pseuds/nickvividly
Summary: Problem.That’s probably the first word that everyone thinks when they see her (or him?). He. He is a he. Yet, they call him “a problem girl", and then, he pretends that this isn’t about him. That's not the correct pronouns. And Eleanor isn't your name.Yet, Thomas is a problem child because of many reasons, and that’s one of them. At this point, he already gave up.He stares at the mirror everyday, trying to remember: a boy is in front of me. His name is Thomas, and nickname is Tommy. 14 years old. And, of course, a fucking problem orphan child.And then, a kind man takes him from the foster home, knowing all his problems.Perhaps, there's nothing wrong with Tommy.-Or, Tommy is a transboy that usually lived in a foster home, and Phil takes him.Or, Wilbur and Techno beats some transphobes peoplePLAYLIST!
Relationships: Eret & Niki | Nihachu & Toby Smith | Tubbo, Eret & Toby Smith | Tubbo, Eret & TommyInnit (Video Blogging RPF), Jschlatt & Wilbur Soot, Niki | Nihachu & Wilbur Soot, Ranboo & Toby Smith | Tubbo & TommyInnit, Toby Smith | Tubbo & Wilbur Soot & TommyInnit & Phil Watson, Wilbur Soot & Technoblade & TommyInnit & Phil Watson
Comments: 177
Kudos: 1469





	1. Prologue.

**Author's Note:**

> hey so... i really wanted to find some comfort and i started writing this :) i'm transgender and yeah i need comfort KDJSAKJD
> 
> that's my first time writing in english, i'm a brazilian writer, so this is news for me! if you have anything to say that i can do better, please, say! it will help me a lot :)
> 
> this chapter is more a prologue than a chapter (im sleep deprived) so yeah but the next chapter will have more i promise
> 
> also... playlist !
> 
> https://open.spotify.com/playlist/52b8wiwSpHNG9LxEL3qU4D?si=aXyzykTJRKGJKNIHsdZCZQ
> 
> i really like making playlists for my stories, they help me to get in track of what im writing
> 
> good reading!
> 
> twitter: @nickvividly

Problem.

That’s probably the first word that everyone thinks when they see her (or him?).  _ He _ . He is a he. Yet, they call him “a problem girl", and then, he pretends that this isn’t about him. That's not the correct pronouns. And Eleanor isn't your name.

Yet, Thomas is a problem child because of many reasons, and that’s one of them. At this point, he already gave up. It doesn't matter how many times has to say that he’s a boy that doesn’t want to have long hair, or wear bras or dresses. Just… Wants to discover himself. Maybe, one day, he’ll like having long hair, or wearing dresses. Although, right now, that it's impossible.

He stares at the mirror everyday, trying to remember:  _ a boy  _ is in front of me _. His _ name is  _ Thomas _ , and nickname is  _ Tommy _ . 14 years old. And, of course, a  _ fucking problem orphan child _ .

It’s not easy living in a foster house. It has the good parts, like the actually good people, even the ones who work there. The food on Saturdays or the courtyard. Still, not everything is roses - what a fucking cliché. The boy hates this. Actually, hates many things. However, being oppressed, wronged, it’s his arch enemy. 

As a consequence, the looks follow him along the corridors, then all the people start to whisper, and everyone knows what they’re talking about. Even Tommy. There’re the audacious ones, saying mean words, reminding him that  _ borned wrong;  _ but not every of them has the audacity to open their mouths.

Or even touching.

“Hey, Eleanor! You’re looking hot in this dress!”

“Oh, Eleanor, your hair isn’t too short? You’re looking like a boy!”

“Eleanor, you’re so delicate… Your skin is so soft…”

“Hi, Eleanor-”

“ _ Eleanor. _ ”

**_Eleanor._ **

“Eleanor! For God's sake!”

It was a little bit hot outside, the blankets covering all his body. Maybe he was sweating, but it doesn’t matter. The problem "girl" doesn’t want anyone to see him, see his body, speak to him. Such a flame in the dark, near to disappearing, the hope stays. Maybe, one hour, he is going to start burning, and like a smoke, unravel between nothing.

“I’m calling you half an hour ago!”, with blunt moves, the woman removes the blankets above the boy, having as an answer a mumble. “Get up already, Jesus Christ. You’re late! Someone came here to take you home.”

With a deep sigh, the body sat up, looking at the sheets before it. He felt like he was dead, and the soul was navigating and watching everything. That body in the bed isn’t something he knows - and doesn’t want it. 

Whatever. It doesn’t matter if the bed isn’t fully that comfortable, all Thomas wants right now is to lay down and, maybe, like a leaf, fly through the air, being cherished by the rustling of the leaves.

To find a place in the ground, between all the others leaves. Considering, being a leaf might be more likely easy. Perhaps, he will fall in autumn, and his color will be green, orange, or yellow. As well as, it doesn’t matter. How he is, or whatever the fuck thing that it's different: at the end of the day, people will not care, being a leaf in the ground is insignificant, they're just... Leaves.

_ He’s a leaf that fell in autumn. _

A breathy laugh escaped amid his lips. Home sounds like a joke for him. Where exactly is home? 

“I thought you hid my papers.”, the voice is low, like a mumble, hoping that anyone will not hear it, because it doesn’t matter, isn’t it? 

“Pack your bags. That’s so disrespectful of you; the man is waiting!”, she just ignores the comment, perchance this is better. “You should be grateful that someone actually wants  _ you _ to come home with them, little girl.”

The boy tries to avoid. He really does. Tommy just wants to pretend that all of these things aren’t for him. They’re talking with a girl. However, deep down, he knows who it’s directed. He knows that  _ he _ will always be a  _ she  _ for them. 

“My name is Thomas.”, with anger in the voice, he spoke. Along with a roll of the eyes, the woman left the room, closing the door abruptly. His hands, as an instinct, came to his ears, protecting them from the loud noise - actually, it wasn’t that loud, he’s just  _ scared _ .

_ Shit shit shit shit shit shit shit shit fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck. _

Frustrated, the boy packs the bags. He punches the clothes inside the object: it doesn’t matter. Nothing matters anymore. At the edge of this mountain, after ten houses, nothing matters anymore. The boy knows he will come back to the same room, and all the kids will laugh at his face. Or maybe they’ll stare at him, whispering around about the cold palette in the face, like house five. Or they will stay silent about the crying in grievance, like house nine.

The thoughts are so loud that, moreover, when the blonde boy notices, finds himself sitting in the chair from the secretariat, the backpack being held between his arms, near to holding something on with life. 

He doesn’t stare at the man and doesn’t want to. The long blonde hair falls on the corner of his eye, maintaining the look at his black espadrilles. Shorts and a black hoodie covered the body, the top already old. The appearance of the hoodie it’s like that blouse you don't want to get rid of, ‘cause it’s so comfortable and isn’t it worth putting in the trash.

The woman hates it. And the boy does too. The clothes are over too feminine for him; also, the hoodie it’s too old for her.

He can feel the look burning the skin, feeling the red fill the body. The conversation was meaningless, like two ghosts talking to each other. In the corner of the eye, he can see the woman showing the other adult his papers, and it’s not possible to ignore the amount of red in those. Red meant bad. Red it’s his favorite color.

And the man tries, even tho he’s holding the papers that probably have this information ( _ he doesn’t care about him _ { ~~**_actually, the woman just wants the man to see the bad side of him._ ** ~~ }), “How old are you?”

“ _ She’s _ fourteen.”

“What did you do today?”

“ _ She _ just stayed in the bed all day.”

“What’s your name?”

“Her name is  _ Eleanor. _ ”

He wants to throw up. Still, he does nothing; stays shut, even tho his heart is screaming to say out loud that she is a boy. 

“Well, Mr. Watson, as you can see, she’s not very easy to deal with.”, a nervous laugh it’s heard from her, but he kept his look at the shoes.

“You can call me Phil, it’s okay.”, Watson smiled, and one more time, stares at the anxious boy in the chair, still smiling. “Hey, do you like cats?”

He would answer,

If the motherfucker didn’t do it first. 

“We don’t allow pets here.”

“I know another word for cat, Phil.”, now he is trying not to laugh, finally looking at the man. He isn’t that tall, it’s noticeable the little bags below the eyes. His hair is on a tiny ponytail, something that… Tommy actually finds it really cool.

Yet, his eyes are, in fact, the most remarking thing on every inch of this man. Blue. Completely different from red. Opposite palettes and meanings, however, for the first time, the problem boy found comfort. Genuine sincerity. 

He ignored it, but liked it. Anxious thoughts are still in the way to ever finding anyone able to trust. Because, well, he’s a fuckin trans, orphan and problem child. For these reasons he’s been in ten houses.

A deep sigh is heard from the woman.

“Phil, I know you have experience, but… Are you sure? This kid is a very special one. We never saw someone like her.”

“Talking like that you will make the man believe that I’m a fucking alien, but it’s just your prejudiced thoughts.”

Again, silence.

Tommy can feel the stare of Watson above him, questioning himself what the fuck meant that phrase. Because he is a girl. Eleanor.

"It's okay.”

It isn’t.

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  



	2. Youth.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Thomas go to what they call home. It's strange. He sleeps to avoid any contact, but things went down.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> AAAAAAAAAAAAAA IM SO HAPPY THANK YOU FOR ALL YOUR LOVE SERIOUSLY WHEN I SAW THE FIRST COMMENT I LITERALLY CRIED IN HAPPINESS THANK YOU VERY MUCH!!
> 
> literally passed the noon writing this, just finished. sorry if have any misstype or repeated words, im tired-
> 
> also!
> 
> TW: panic attack  
> CW: food
> 
> i will put an warning before it, kay? stay safe guys <3
> 
> thank you so much!! good reading and i hope you guys like it!!
> 
> twitter: @nickvividly

It endured almost half an hour for them to, finally, go home. 

The caretaker and Philip talked a lot, mostly about Tommy. Talked about his angry problems, anxiety and disrespect. And he was right there, listening to everything. It hurt, even if he pretended that didn’t. Thomas knows how fucked up he is, there is no news here; however, reviving everything he’d been through... The facade he’s been holding for so long fell for minutes. Who likes being vulnerable? No one. Yet, when he found himself so vulnerable, near to cry and hide in the corner of the room, begging for God to make him stronger - more than already is - he detested it.

Up until now, the grimmest part of this has been the pity. It was palpable, strong, all directed above the boy. Angry grew up, bubbling. He doesn’t need this shit. Thomas is a strong man and doesn’t require anyone feeling pity for him (all he desires is love).

Lastly, it was time to go home. After signing some papers, a few more reaffirming words from the woman — always asking if Mr. Watson was sure of what he was doing —, both walked to the car, the silence being with them.

“So…”, the older started when they entered the car, the blonde boy curling up in the back seat, avoiding any eye contact he could. “Sorry inside there. That woman was really annoying.”, Watson left a nasal laugh, putting on the seat belt. 

Tommy wanted to laugh and say fucked up shit, make the man before him so uncomfortable at the point he will stay shut; or, perhaps, reveal him his real face: aggressive, screaming, stating out loud all your insecurities even if they both shared some words that aren't enough to know everything about each other.

“Yeah, it’s ok, I guess.”

It was never ok.

“Regarding the question I did about cats… We have some cats at home. Our cat gave birth of like seven kittens.”, the problem boy can’t ignore how much this guy likes to laugh; so easily, literally for nothing. So happy, even if he has more severe problems than the teen. “You can give a name for one of them, if you like to.”

Oh.

That was definitely news.

The younger never had any pets, perchance a ladybug when little; besides that, nothing. The unique experience of dearly loving, caring and naturally making a life last never had been through his heart. Not even the cuddle in his eager hands as he carefully passes through the fur of the animal. Or, falling asleep holding it with so much strength, but also so delicate. At first, the excitement build up in his body but Thomas remembered:

_ Who said he would last in this house?  _

“Really?”,  _ it’s a lie, it’s always been a lie, you know he’s just faking it so you stay in the house and do the things they want, they don’t want you and they don’t care. nobody cares about you, eleanor. you little problem gi- _

“Really! You’re lucky! Just one kitten without a name stayed in the house. I think it’s destiny, isn’t it?”

“I think so.”

After that, all it was heard was the wind through the window filling their ears with your sound. The ride was a little bit long, he could say. Or perchance was his anxiety making everything so slow and terrible. The phalanx of his fingers was white from the strength of holding the backpack, laying all his fears right there. Afraid represents the word to describe the little boy right now. Afraid of what all of this will become, if he finally will find a home - that sounds impossible. He knows there are more people in the house besides both of them, and it causes him more and more anxious.

Maybe the older man is cool, but what about the other ones? If, in the obscurest corners of the house, they will mistreat him? Well, he has money hidden in his backpack, so he can run away and, maybe, live on his own. It’s better than being treated like he was - and will. 

Like a spiral, he jumps the days, trying to get in control of something that never happened. Because his anxiety said so: it’ll happen, and you have to be prepared, or you will be fucked. And he doesn’t know the people, but he already knows that all of them are bad, because his previous experiences said. Everything screams inside his head, and he’s trying so hard to not to cry in the back seat of the car, suspecting the man who made nothing to him. Because his head said so: he will do it.  _ It will happen, it will happen, it will happen, it will happen, it will happen, it will happen, it will happ-  _

“We are here!”, like a sharp knife, Philip cuts his thoughts with his voice. Subsequently, the boy notices that he’s been staring at the window for so long, not even blinking; his eyes were watering up and, the faster he could, passed the back of his hands over it. 

The man didn’t notice. Or maybe he did, but decided to ignore.

“I hope you like it. It’s not really big, but it’s comfy.”, the older one opens the door for Tommy, talking with a calm tone. “We have a garden after the house; it’s beautiful.”

He stares at the residence after leaving the automobile. It wasn’t really big, like he said: but was bigger than he imagined. The walls were beige, or maybe it was pastel pink, something like that. Thus far, it’s funny to state that, everything related to this man, it’s calm. However, instead of calming down the problem boy, that made him more anxious.

Everything that he doesn’t dominate makes him anxious.

“I have two sons. Their names are Techno and Wilbur. They’re very cool and funny, but you can tell me if they do something you don’t like, ok?”, he smiles and gently caresses his back, encouraging him to come with. And they did: both walked to the door, being able to hear some muffled noises inside the place.

When the man opens the door, both are greeted with a black cat rubbing between their legs, purring. Then, more kittens appeared, all of them meowing. Thomas wanted to laugh. It’s really cute and wholesome. 

He can’t hold back a smile, staring at every feline. Was four kittens and the mother, all of them being so fucking cute. 

“I’m surrounded by pussies.”

“What?” a monotone tone came to his ears, and after laughs from Philip and someone else.

Oh, fantastic start, Thomas.

“Ahm, boys, this is…”, a wheeze. Nobody was expecting that, and it actually surprised Tommy how everyone is laughing at him, not… Looking disgusted or annoyed. He likes to say inappropriate things; it’s a thing: he likes to irritate people until they scream at him. Bringing them to the edge to see their real faces. However, what would he do when people laughed? 

He despised it, because he doesn’t know what to do.

“Boys, this is Eleanor. Come here to say hi to her.”

Although things always have the bad side, even if they are going too well.

The boy can’t blame them due to no one knowing the truth. But he still blames everyone in the room and gets mad. He wants to punch them up, scream. 

In compensation of the lack of height the elder has, his sons have everything. Shit, he thought he was in China, looking at the ginormous walls. He felt intimidated. 

“That’s Techno, the oldest one.”, he points at the boy. His hair is pink and long, a braid laying in his shoulder. He’s unusually pale, actually, everything about him is white. Even his eyelashes are.  _ Is this motherfucker albino?  _ He uses glasses, and it’s unpossible to ignore how red his eyes are. Even though they are actually brown, the saturation leaves them with a reddish tinge.

“‘Ello.”, he has the monotone voice that spoke up before, waving briefly to him. He makes the same, holding the strap of his backpack tightly.

“And Wilbur.”, the tallest one, thin, and probably was the one who laughed at his ridiculous bit. Fluffy hair, wearing a yellow sweater that covered up almost all his long body.He can feel sympathy floating in the air around him, different from Techno, that’s more closed than the other two in the room.

“Ok, I really need to make lunch. Wilbur, can you show around the house?”, the mentioned one just nodded, and right after Phil messes around the hairs of his sons, both complaining. It’s comic how things changed in just 15 minutes. He never saw a man using something pink, or having long hair: and there it is, the elder and albino. 

It stunned him.

“Yeah, hã, dad told you about the cats?”, a nod it’s enough as an answer for the blonde boy, nothing more. “Ok, do you know a name already? It’s a girl.”

The longboi crouched, picking up a little cat, or, like the teen likes to say: _ a little pussy _ . He almost laughed at his thoughts. The boy holds the cat lightly, patching its head. The fur consists of a mixture of black and white, the left side of its face being white, and the other black. 

“Do you want to hold it?”, he smiled gently, and even if Tommy really wants to hold, he just shakes his head. His mind says out loud that it has no meaning to develop ties with the little thing, after all,  _ he will not stay here. _

“I-I’m ok.”

_ Fuck. _

The vulnerability comes again. 

“Oh, ok, we call her for now kitty, like Hello Kit-”

“Can you show me where I'm going to sleep? I’m really tired.”

No ties. He doesn’t want to stare at the cat anymore, so he looks down, catching all the unnecessary details from the floor. An uncomfortable silence fills the air, and he is convinced he heard a profound sigh from the pinkyboi. Like he’s been through this one time. He desperately wanted to shout at him, but all he did was stay shut. He was so vulnerable, that maybe staying in silence will not expose him.

“Yeah… Ok, ahm, follow me.”

He sounded sad.  _ Good. Hate me more. I don't deserve any love or kindness, because I'm a son of a bitch.  _

Albinoboi stayed in the living room, probably went to the kitchen to help his dad, leaving them alone. In silence, the newest ones went up the stairs, Thomas having no audacity to lift up his gaze. His number one rule was solely not to create attachment at anything inside this house. It was sad to think about however he isn’t to blame. Everything occasioned him to be like this today.

“Here are all the bedrooms, this one it’s mine,” he pointed at the door with a poster of Arctic Monkeys, a band that, unfortunately, the problem boy doesn’t know - he doesn’t hear music for ages. “This one is from Techno’s. “, literally nothing, just a door, not even dirty or with stickers. “Da- Phil,” it’s a different door, it has a tiny entrance, probably for the cats, and it was scratched. “And, yours. Next to mine.”

_ Beautiful, he’s with the longboi.  _

“This is the bathroom. There’s another one down the stairs. That's basically our house. If later you want to see the garden, feel free to go.”, he smiled, even if Thomas didn’t say anything or even looked at his eyes. He hated it, because he doesn’t comprehend why Wilbur was being so gentle to him. 

“Ok, thanks.”

“If you need something, you can call Phil or me.” , he was about to touch the back of the shortest, but automatically pushed away, because he doesn’t want to force anything with him. 

The blonde one just nodded again, going to his room, closing the door and locking it. Pushing away everyone who tried to approximate him. Mayhap he will pass his days locked inside this room, laying in the bed until the moment that nobody wants to feed anymore a dead weight and kick him off. He instantly covered up the mirror, not looking properly at the room to get unused to it. Changed his clothes, and lied in the bed, looking at the little paint flaws in the wall.

He doesn’t feel sleepy, but he forces himself to sleep. He could hear scratches in his door, even some meows, probably because the cats like to sleep here. And he didn’t unlock it. 

He erected more and more fortified walls around him. It doesn’t matter if somebody genuinely wants to know, to be at his side, to love him. All he can think about is the harsh fact he doesn’t deserve it and doesn't want to. His wounded heart hurts, near to cry piteously for literally nothing. The boy covered all his body with the blankets, ignoring how hot it was, just wanting to hide from the world. 

The pleasant sleep came, softening his face until he could sleep soundly. He couldn’t hear Philip calling him for lunch or him staying in front of his door, thinking longingly what he could do. It’s not like he never experienced this, his sons are from foster homes too, and both were different from each other. Yet, everytime is a new thing, a new person he has to deal with and create trust ties. 

All the man desires it’s to help the little boy inside the facade Eleanor puts on.

**_(...)_ **

When he woke up, the clock was marking 6 PM. He could see from the window the sun going away, providing space to the moon. The sunlight entered between the curtains, lighting up the room with warm colors. Instead of being happy or admiring the view, the boy felt miserable. He looked at the roof for minutes, and when he could sit in the bed, he looked profusely at the window, seeing kids playing soccer in the streets, screaming, probably exhausted from playing for so long.

Thomas felt nostalgic of times he never had. Of something he knows everyone passed by, but he didn’t. And suddenly he wants to play soccer with them, to be a kid like he supposed to be. To not live like an adult how he’s been living. 

He set his hair in a ponytail, finally unlocking the door and silently walking down stairs. Some cats entered his room, going to his bed and laying, massaging it. The noise of the TV was clear, the living room with the lights off, only the kitchen lighted up. 

When passing behind the couch, he briefly watched the TV, noticing they were watching an anime, one that he doesn’t recognize - and don’t want to. He made a disgusted face.  _ Fuck, I’m living with weebs.  _ When he finally accomplished his way to the kitchen, the feeling of wanting to die automatically came to his heart. As he saw Phil, sitting at the table, apparently working on some papers, he wanted to run away. 

And  _ fuck  _ he couldn’t escape soon enough, the elder notices him, and smiles.

“Oh, Eleanor, you’re awake. You must be hungry. I kept some lunch for you.”, he got up, going to the fridge. The teen felt embarrassed. He knows how disrespectful is doing this, but that's the whole point of him staying in this house: to everyone starts hating him.

“It’s ok… I’m not very hungry.”, an outrageous lie. He didn’t put anything in his mouth all day. His stomach was in pain, and his vision was a little bit dizzy. His stubborn heart decided to neglect it, just wanting to go back to his room and sleep more.

“Please, I insist. You should eat, you’re pale.”

_ Shit shit shit shit shit shit shit shit shit- _

He stared at Watson, looking at the plate in his hands. It looked delicious, and he hates it. Oh, how he despises it. He wanted to cry so bad. Miserably, he nodded, sitting on the corner chair in silence.

Philip couldn't contain the smile in his face, warming up the food to the little problem boy to eat. The silence wasn’t uncomfortable, actually, it was relatively good. Oh, Tommy wants so bad to say something so inappropriate, to make the situation worse than it already is. It’s the unique way he can proceed this moment. 

“Do you have any nicknames?”

_ Tommy. _

“No.”

“Oh, really? Here everyone has one. For example, Wilbur isn’t his name. It’s actually William. But we named him like this because in german means brilliant. He lights things up when they are dark or makes everyone around him happy. He is the little star in this house.”

He smiled so fondly while talking about his son, with genuine love. And for some reason hearing the man talk made him more calm, something he barely noticed; how nervous and restless he was. He observed attently the man, looking at all his movements. And his heart warmed up. 

“We could create a nickname for you.”, he carefully looked at the “ _ girl _ ” at the table in the corner of his eye, right after gazing back to the food.

“I don’t know how.”, he laughs breathly, the hoarse voice sounding so pathetic. 

“Hm… What about Ellie?”

Thomas is a boy, so, any nickname related to Eleanor was meaningless. He scarcely felt nothing besides sadness of being misgendered. Suddenly, he feels the overwhelming urge to simply start cursing at the man, to scream hysterically, cry. His eyes watered up. 

Miserable.

“It’s good... Yeah.”, the waterfalls that wanted to fall from his eyes made his voice choke, and he curled up in the chair, wanting to disappear.

Silence.

_**TW: PANIC ATTACK. If you don't feel comfortamble reading this, please, skip for your safety. When this part it's finished, it'll be another warning. Stay safe!** _

He wanted to sob so bad, to let out his cry. And he couldn’t remain it anymore, a sob escaped amid his lips, gripping the attention of the elder.

“Oh, Ellie… What’s wrong?”, he came near to him, crouching to be in the same size as him. He covered his face with his hands, nibbling his lip to not let out another sob. His chest burned in pain, his throat filled up with all the grievance sounds he wanted to let out. Thomas has been holding it for so long. When Philip tried to touch his shoulder, like a cat, he escaped from the touch, scared. “I’m sorry, it’s ok… You’re ok.”

_ No, I’m not. _

“You can talk to me if you want.”, he doesn’t try touching the boy again, just staying by his side, doing the best he could to make the younger better. “I’m here to help.”

“Shut up! Stop lying to me!”, he finally shouted, moving his hands anxiously, demonstrating all his sadness and anxiety. It scared Watson, although he proceeded to listen carefully. “Everyone says that, but look at me, do I look better?! Do I deserve this shit?! Oh, Philip, you will notice how your choice to bring me home was wrong.” 

He fucked it up.

He is going back to the foster home.

But it doesn’t matter, isn’t it?

“You’re worth being helped. You’re worth having a house, Ellie.”

“Shut up! SHUT UP!”, the anguished scream scared not only the older, but all the people in the house. Wilbur and Techno, who were focused on the anime, looked briefly at the kitchen. “Don’t call me like that!”, his voice cracked, the waterfall coming more and more violent, his sore chest burning so bad at the point he thought it was really on fire. “Please, leave me alone…”  **_please dont do it pleasepleasepleasepleasepleasepleaseplease._ **

The walls of his throat tight it up, and he couldn’t breath. The fire in his chest spreading out and solemnly burning all his organs, his skin, slowly taking control of his mind. Even if he tried breathing, the smoke was inhaled, filling his lungs with the toxicating thoughts. He was convinced that he was dying. It felt so horrendous, painful, all he wanted was to stop, to finally die and rest in fucking piece.

And he walked more and more to the flames, following the spiral of something that never happened and probably will not. That Phil will spank him, and his sons will watch and laugh at his face. And the cats will start meowing and scratching his body, torturing him, making him more and more mise-

“...Ellie, look at me, please.”

He reluctantly opened his eyes. The first thing he could see was the empathetic face of the man, who was caressing his hands slowly, trying to capture the attention from the teen. Blue. The blue filled up his vision, and gradually the water came, gently engulfing his body, extinguishing the fire. 

“Breathe with me, ok? Do what I do.”

He breathed. The air passing through his nose, wiping up the smoke. Like incense was burning in the room, calming his thoughts and mind.

When he was in the right place, he noticed the touches, the eyes, everything.

“Hey… Look, Bingus wants some caress from you.”, Wilbur placed a little cat in his lap, and the little thing looked at him, confused. Even don’t comprehending what was happening, he curled in his lap, massaging a bit so it finally lay. With unsteady hands, Thomas passed his hands through the fur, experiencing for the first time the love of a pet. 

And he caressed it at the point the light-haired boy wasn’t crying anymore, hearing it purr and sleep above him. Exhausted, he gazed up at the man before him, who smiled gently.

“Hey… Everything it’s ok. Eat a little bit, ok?”, he nodded, avoiding eye contact with Watson’s sons. 

_**FINISHED TW. STAY SAFE!** _

The man served him, and the boys left the room. The house, now, being in utter silence. He ate slowly, Phil cleaning some dishes, both in silence. It was better like this. The little Bingus stayed in his lap, sleeping. For the first time, Thomas' mind stayed in silence; his anxiety didn’t say anything about his body, or gender, or the fear of the man in the room with him. It was hollow.

After finishing the meal, he cleaned the dishes with the elder, who didn’t complain, preferring to be in silence and not stress the little boy. 

And when he placed his head in his pillow, he felt lonely tears fall through his cheeks, watering the fluffiness below him. Bingus was curled up at his side, sleeping, and he could identify another cat in his foot. 

He detested it.

He was establishing ties with the cats.

His head hurts so bad, still his crying not stopping. And to his welcome surprise, in the room on his side he could hear a voice and strings. It was serene. The soulful voice was raspy, singing the melody with love, leaving the words to cherish dearly the ears of everyone in the house. 

_ “Shadows settle on the place, that you left _

_ Our minds are troubled by the emptiness” _

The music filled his chest, calming every inch of his body. He was so tired that he couldn’t know what voice was singing, and it doesn’t matter, honestly. 

_ “Destroy the middle, it's a waste of time _

_ From the perfect start to the finish line _

_ And if you're still breathing, you're the lucky ones _

_ 'Cause most of us are heaving through corrupted lungs _

_ Setting fire to our insides for fun _

_ Collecting names of the lovers that went wrong _

_ The lovers that went wrong.” _

He fell asleep to the gentle voice of Wilbur and his guitar. The longboi left his door open to the melodic sound come more easily to  _ Ellie's  _ ears, his back leaning against the wall that divided both rooms.

“Goodnight.”, Philip said as he saw the little boy sleeping with three cats with him, leaving a kiss on his forehead.

  
  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sbi be like:  
> wilbur: longboi  
> techno: pinky/albinoboi  
> tommy: problemboi  
> phil: dadboi
> 
> song: youth, by daughter (i prefer the version from if you leave)


	3. Run.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Thomas gets closer to Phil, and they even go shopping. But, a fight happens.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> AAA IM SO SORRY FOR THE LATE
> 
> this chapter i wanted to put more attention, cause last one i was so hyped up for all the love you guys were giving that i rushed it. but this one i put all my soul on it, perhaps have some mistakes and repeated words and im so sorry---
> 
> but yeah, this chapter is a mixture of angst and fluffy. the initial chapters will be more like this, maybe the fifth one will be different, or the next, idk, but yeah, i like the slow burn
> 
> im sorry if you guys dont feel like this story its made for slow burn:( if you want to something short you can tell me
> 
> also i never wrote anything here so i dont really know how many kudos and hits are good to a story, WHATEVER IM REALLY HAPPY BECAUSE 300 PEOPLE LEFT KUDOS????? WTF THANK YOU SO MUCH IM SO GFHNJKGSF IDK??? all i can do is thank and do more chapters
> 
> well, this is getting big, so ill stop for here.
> 
> good reading!

Philip is 34 years old. He has two sons: Wilbur and Techno. 

Even now, he doesn’t know how to be a dad.

Evidently he knows how to take care of a life, to make a routine, educate, etceteras. However at that time, when they have panic attacks, what will he do? It’s easier for his heart to deal with his patients, since they’re not his sons. He helps, but still they’re his patients, and he is nothing besides a psychologist for them.

He studied almost seven years for this, and when he sees someone so new, so hurt, he feels his hands shake. When he is by himself, he wants to cry.  _ Nobody said it was easy. _ He comprehends that. 

Phil will never forget how it was the first time to bring a foster kid to home. Techno. Platinum hair due to his albinism, scared eyes, eager hands, only eleven years old. All the time adjusting his glasses, even if it wasn’t falling. Quiet but very anxious. 

The kid had selective mutism. The older observed that after two weeks in absolute silence. He spoke up for the first time after one month, just to say goodnight to Watson. The man cried that night.

Currently, that kid is an adult. 18 years old, and had never been so proud.

Wilbur was a little bit easier. He had been for only three homes. The childish light was still there after all the gloomy walls around his heart. Techno was very anxious around the taller one, who was so energetic, endlessly talking and talking, bringing noise and more happiness to the residence. The nights were albinoboi felt so sad and lonely, the sound of the strings of Wilbur’s guitar came to his ears. 

And five years passed. One day, Philip’s house was so hollow, uninhabitable, not a single person was staying in there as he was always busy. Like a blink, he was with his sons, one 17 years old and the other 18. He’s proud of them and by himself.

It was news for everybody after five years. He thought would under no circumstances do that again, but there he was, bringing a  _ girl  _ to his house, to give a family to  _ her _ . 

Surely it’s different, cause, y'know, everyone is different. His first kid being so quiet, his second one so energetic, the third being so anxious. However, when Phil finds himself on his own when everyone is asleep, he cries. Because he is a little bit too emotional, and he was afraid. Afraid that he couldn’t help that kid.

In spite of that, the other day, when he woke up, the feeling wiped up. All his heart has is hope and determination to make  _ Eleanor  _ feel accepted in his family. To express  _ her  _ the love  _ she  _ is worth to receive.

In the kitchen on a Saturday, he sat at the table drinking a cup of coffee, while organizing receipts from his patients. 7 AM, no one was awake. His sons don’t have school, either work. No matter what the man did to concentrate on his daily work, the mind was full of what he would do to aid the girl sleeping up the stairs. 

He thought:  _ what about going shopping with her to choose new clothes, things for her room, as always did? Or invite her to go to the supermarket with him? Or, perhaps, do gardening together? Shit, what he wil- _

“Good morning.”

_ Ellie  _ was awake, looking at him.  _ Her  _ hair was practically falling off the ponytail, using a hoodie, even if it was 30 degrees outside. 

“Good morning. Slept well?”

“Yeah...“,  _ she _ sat on the table with him, looking at the wood, making drawings on it with her finger.

Silence.

Phil sighed softly, trying to relax his mind. He can’t lie: he wants to make questions. But didn’t, it’s explicit how  _ she  _ was astonished after yesterday. 

“Are… Are you sending me back?”, sad, he definitely could notice it. So low, like  _ she  _ doesn’t desire this to be true.

“Why do you think that?”, he stopped organizing, looking at her so aimselly. His voice is calm like always, and he could perceive how this frightened the  _ girl _ . Everything it wasn’t screams, fights, scared the hell out of  _ her _ .

“I-I don’t know…”, lost, seeking words that can support her in this situation. However, suddenly,  _ she  _ doesn’t know what to say, because she genuinely doesn’t know why he is going to send  _ her  _ back -  _ she  _ just knows he will.

“Obviously no,  _ Ellie _ ; can I call you like that?”,  _ she  _ nods, and the older smiles. He was apprehensive that, perhaps, the nickname made  _ her  _ have a panic attack. “You didn’t do anything wrong. Even if you did, I’ll not send you back. This is your home now, and I know it’s challenging, I’m not going to press you. But I hope that, one day, you understand and like it here.”

Paralyzed, looking at the man before  _ her _ .  _ Eleanor  _ wasn’t expecting that, and it made  _ her  _ so nervous because  _ she  _ doesn’t discern what to do, other than nod and lower  _ her  _ head.

“You’re welcome here.”

Tommy wanted to cry deep in his heart. His head was a bedlam, anxious sides saying everything is a fucked up lie, and other ones melting and feeling the warmth of platonic love. But he can’t simply believe in Watson’s words. He’s been hither for just one day, and, maybe, a week later he will start to mistreat, force him to clean all the house.  _ Because he’s a woman and all he should do is clean and cook. _

“What do you like having for breakfast?”, he got up, leaving the mug on the wood, starting to put away the papers. 

“What do you have here, big man?”

“Big man?”

“Do you prefer to be called a big old man?”

A laugh. 

Shit, what the hell Thomas is supposed to do when people laugh at the things he says? They were meant to annoy. Irritate. He simply can’t handle it.

“No, please.”, one more laugh, and shit, the teen smiled a little bit, lowering his head again to hide the smile. He hates it. Soon, hell will come to earth, and all these things will simply disappear. 

He doesn’t want to even try to stay here. The problem boy stopped trying after the ninth house, because after it, everything came downhill. The betrayal, screams, the miserable feeling coming back to the foster home after one year, when he thought he would never see that building again.

“A toast is good.”

“Maybe a grilled ham and cheese? It’s my speciality.”, he nodded. It’s the same thing, the difference being the elegant name. 

Humming a song, Phil prepared the breakfast for the little  _ girl _ , and it looked delicious - it was delicious. The fucker didn’t lie when he said his speciality was cooking this, holy shit. Tommy didn’t notice how hungry he was, or maybe the food was so good that his stomach pleaded for more. He ate really good things, fancy ones, ones that he would never imagine he would put in his mouth. But, the classic grilled ham and cheese taste different. The taste staying in his tongue, felt like  _ home _ . 

“How the fuck do you know to do this shit so good? It’s just bread.”, the second one, a cup full of coke on his side, devouring it like a hungry animal. Philip let out a laugh, smiling so big while watching the  _ girl  _ eat. He doesn’t know when  _ Eleanor  _ will be so open about everything like this, but surely, right now, he will enjoy and spoil. 

“I ate it everyday when I was at college.”, again, he is at the table, finishing his coffee. “I didn’t have much time to cook properly, so this was my lunch and dinner everyday.”

“Big man, how sad it is to be professional in cooking bread.”

_ He wanted a wistful gaze, not a fucking laugh, goddamit. _

“Thank you, I know it’s good.”

Little motherfucker. 

“Do you want to help me in the garden? I need a hand.”, he indeed didn’t, the man just wants to spend time with _her_.

Thomas pondered, finishing the coca cola. He definitely wanted to see the garden, but yesterday was a bad day. Although he feels nervous around him, due to not knowing what he will do, if any time the screaming will start: he needs to be prepared for it.

“Yeah.”

Shit.

**_(...)_ **

“What the fuck, your sons are the Big Foot? For God’s sake!”

Watson laughed. Everytime Tommy wanted to offend, make him sad, he laughed at it, like it’s nothing or the greatest joke he ever heard. All he wanted was an annoying gaze, or a scream, why is it so hard to take it from the older? Constantly laughing, who the fuck is this little shit?

He was frustrated. 

“Just look at them. They're the Berlin Wall.”, Thomas muffled a laugh. The teen will not please this man under no circumstances. Still, Phil smiled bigger at him when heard the laugh, who quickly put a serious face. “Here, maybe do something more simple: can you water the flowers?”

With a nod, he catches the watering can, starting to water the flowers, both in silence. The older was doing something he doesn’t recognize what it is, due to the fact he simply doesn't know anything about gardening. But it was cool - even if the younger doesn’t want to admit it. 

And the place is gorgeous. It contains a little path to a massive tree with a swing poorly placed. At the entrance, it has a place with chairs and a coffee table. It’s cool. It has multiple types of flowers he never saw, some were on vases, others spreading roots inside the dirt. The air was refreshing, and he felt peace. He wanted to lie and let the flowers engulf him, tenderize at the feeling of finally finding a place to lay his thoughts. 

The sublime feeling of acquiring somewhere to dive when things are harsh. Utilizing it as a cathartic place, letting out every anxious reverie. 

God, it felt awesome.

A profound sigh left his mouth, not even noticing when he stood still, with eyes closed, just admiring the breeze which came to cherish his face. The problem boy ne’er had been through this feeling, the one who wiped all the wounds on his heart for moments. That made him forget all the problems that he has to face. 

“It’s good, isn’t it?”, the man talked, minding his own business. 

“Yeah.”

One more sigh and started watering again, his mind in utter peace. The huge yellow boots that the teen uses were already full of dirt, using clothes that are more comfy, almost a pajama. For the first time at this place, he was wearing a shirt without sleeves, exposing the thin and pale arms. Some scars are evident around it, most at his hands. 

And looking at it made Philip worried. Questioning himself what happened to the little boy for him has so many scars with only 14 years. 

The silence was always present. Sometimes the older called him to teach something, so he could help, and nothing more. Sure, Watson wants to talk, to ask and know more, yet, silence sometimes it’s the best option. Both preferred like this. 

Then the day passed, and when Tommy noticed, two weeks passed. The days always look the same. At lunch, the three of them talked, sometimes they asked how his day has been, or if he slept well; implicitly telling about their dreams, in the hope that he will do the same and initiate a proper conversation.

But he can’t. 

Normally, the younger at the house wake up really early on weekends, always meeting with Phil before he goes to do his things. They partake of breakfast together, admiring the quietness of the morning. In the weeks, he stayed alone in the house, because he simply doesn’t talk about school with the older. Some days he was in the residence with him, but it really didn't matter, since Thomas just stayed in his room, nothing more.

Sometimes he sleeps too much, so Wilbur or Phil, and even Techno rarely, goes to wake him up. Wilbur and Phil are always so gentle, with a soft tone and Techno always with his monotone voice. Not even once they raised their voices, and it was so, so strange. Everyday he isolates himself more, because he is so fucking scared and frustrated. Some days he treats them with pure coldness.

Tommy started to isolate so much at the point that he stopped waking up early to eat breakfast with the older, leaving him completely alone. 

But, today, it was different.

It was sunday, early in the morning Philip tried to wake him up, saying gentle words, wanting nothing but some company while he eats. Because, suddenly, every morning felt so alone, even though they did not share a word, it was good. He had someone to prepare food, to say goodbye when he went to the supermarket. Still, all the teen said was “leave me alone” with a rude tone. 

Later, it was time for Wilbur to try to wake him up. He puts all the cats above him, all of them starting to smell, meowing and walking on his body. The younger laughed and opened his eyes to see what it’s happening.

“Hey.”, the longboi said with a smile,  _ Eleanor  _ automatically putting away  _ her  _ smile. 

“What do you want?”

“Let’s go shopping-”

“I don’t want to.”

Silence.

_ She  _ gave him  _ her  _ back, trying to go back to sleep. The cats are still smelling, walking, and the problem  _ girl  _ just tries to ignore and not laugh at the tickles they do. 

“What’s your favorite color?”

Silence again. _She_ doesn’t respond. William sighed, passing his hand through his hair. It’s hard to deal with _her_ ; he couldn’t lie. However, he was trying his best. Trying to be always gentle, even if _she_ pissed him off.

“Mine is yellow, y’know… When we went shopping dad asked me my favorite color, then brought paint so we could paint my room.”, Tommy can’t help but listen, because he wants to do the same. To paint the walls in pure red, decorate it with games he liked, maybe even try to buy a setup for him. “Perhaps we could do that.”

“Red.”

A start.

That made Wil smile. 

“It would be cool in your room.”, he started to ponder about it, because even if he is trying his best to avoid it, he really wants to go shopping. Perchance take advantage of this to buy things he really wants, so, when they send him back to the foster home, at least he will have new things. “So, what do you say?”

“Why are you doing this?”

“What do you mean?”

“Do you want something from me?”, Thomas turned around, looking at his face. “Do you want to make fun of my face or something like that? Because you’re acting like a little pussy around me and I even don’t know why.”

It’s rude. Like he’s begging for the other to get out of his room and leave him alone. To say to his dad for them to send him back, since he does nothing besides being annoying. He is almost screaming to be alone, saying things to hurt everyone's feelings. 

“No, Ellie-”

“Don’t call me like that.”,  _ it’s just for Phil. _

“I’m sorry. All I want it’s to be friends with you. I want to know you.”

“For what?”

“I don’t know. Don’t you want to at least make friends inside here?”

“No.”

**_Be rude._ **

Wilbur sighed, bewildered after all that coldness. He wants to give up. To say “fine” and leave the room. But he knows how this kid is feeling and all he wants is to make _her_ feel accepted at their house.

“Can you please come with us? It’s going to be fun, I assure you.”

A roll of eyes it’s enough for Thomas as an answer. He sat on the bed, the cats leaving his room after noticing there’s nothing interesting inside. 

“Thank you.”, the taller one said before leaving the room, closing the door to give the problem boy privacy.

_ What a motherfucking day. _

**_(...)_ **

It was so, so uncomfortable.

Phil made his sons sit on the back seat, so _Eleanor_ can be in the front. Apparently wanting to do things better for _her_. It’s quiet, the girl frowning, not making any eye contacts with anyone inside the automobile. The only sound was the radio playing some pop music.

When they descend from the car, Techno, trying his best to easy the air, questioned:

“What are we doing first?”

“Uh, I don’t know… Maybe buy clothes? What do you think, Ellie?”

Everyone looked at _her_ after the question from the older. _Her_ eyes were focused at the ground, doing _her_ best to simply don’t interact at all with Watson's family.

“Whatever…”

Presumably they will force him to buy dresses, or shorts, or make really inconvenient questions about his underclothes. Tommy already despised everything about shopping.

Nevertheless, for his surprise, when they got to the store, Philip didn't say anything but “look for something you like.” Neither forcing the problem boy to go to feminine wing. His two sons started talking and walking, mindlessly looking at the clothes. But he can’t do the same, suddenly he was so ashamed to do a simple move.

“Go, Ellie. You can buy everything you want if it isn't overpriced.”, a smile, not indeed adding something about short clothes, things like that. It scared the shit out of the problem girl. _She_ wanted so much to start screaming and asking him about all of this, but _she_ couldn't.

Cause, deep down, _she_ was grateful.

Thomas, with hesitant steps, walked through the masculine wing. He looked at the older in the corner of his eyes, noticing he’s not staring anymore. Just talking with his sons who were showing him something.

Due to that, he took advantage. Nervous, he started looking around, seeking for something that pleased him. And, shit,  _ everything _ . The teen couldn’t lie, he has a thing for social blouses, he just loves it with all his heart. 

However, his heart skips a beat when he glimpses something.

A shirt with Saturn, the colors being the trans flag.

It’s cliché, but he fucking loved. With eager hands, he takes it, staring with brilliant eyes.  _ Holy shit.  _ It’s so corny, and probably people from tumblr in 2013 would have loved this, but,  _ holy shit again.  _ For the first time, he touched something with his flag, he felt proud. Because these years he just felt miserable, not being worth being treated the way he wants.. Despite that, when he held the cloth, seeing the beautiful colours, his heart warmed up. Thomas felt  _ valid _ .

“Oh, that’s so beautiful!”, a known voice came from the back, noticing is just Phil. “These colors are so mesmerizing. Are you going to take it? It will look stunning in you.”

Tommy wants to cry.

He smiled big at the man, nodding.

The older didn’t understand because he doesn’t know the colors, solely thinks it’s a cool combination. Didn’t comprehend either why _Eleanor_ was smiling so big at him. Yet, whatever, he felt accomplished. Finally making progress. 

_.  _

The youngest took some more clothes, most of them masculines. Nobody said anything about it, nothing but: “it’ll be good on you”, or “good choice”, and even Techno said “I’ll rob this from you.”

Shit, it was being the best day of his life. Not even joking. Finally being able to buy the clothes he always wanted and not being judged, to show to everyone how proud he is to be a transgender person. 

Probably everyone else will think he’s just exaggerating, although, trust me,  _ he isn’t.  _ Living a life without having a place to call  _ home _ , not having the courage and strength to fight back every transphobic comment, not even able to feel  _ valid _ about himself… Something so small made him open a really big smile after ages.

Awesome. 

When they were waiting to pay the things, Techno and Wilbur left for minutes, just to the taller one go back and practically scream:   
  


“Dad! Look! It’s  _ Techno-fucking-blade _ , the  _ fucking pig _ ! Let’s gooooo!”, in his hands, he has a pig plushie, really cute and big; with it, he starts striking out his brother while laughing, who stares at his dad with dead eyes, pleading for help. 

“I’ll murder you.”

“Boys, if they call the police I’ll not help you.”, Phil stated, ignoring his sons being so fucking loud and stupid. It’s like this type of thing is very normal, and he’s waiting for the people from the store actually calling the police. 

Thomas felt embarrassed. 

Even more when Techno showed his brother a shirt with a caption, claiming it was made for Wilbur:

_ “( ) Male _

_ ( ) Female _

_ (X) Small Emo Child” _

That occasioned both of them starting bickering.

The teen just stared at them, wanting to fucking die, since most of the people are staring at them fighting like two kids. 

“Shut the fuck up. People are staring.”, _Eleanor_ mumbled at the two brothers, who looked at _her_ , surprised.

The uncomfortable silence came again.

Because every time _she’s_ rude they simply don’t know exactly what to do. They were having fun, but the way she cut it with _her_ harsh tone, like _she’s_ embarrassed to be living with them; who will continue to joke after this?

They passed at two more stores, just to buy sheets for Ellie’s bed and materials to school. Both Techno and Wilbur didn’t start bickering around like before, too uncomfortable for this.

And _she’s_ proud of _herself_.

They go back to the car, just 4 PM. The problem boy just was outside for 2 hours and he already was so fucking tired. Having to talk to people it’s so hard.

“I’ll put fire on that shirt”, Wilbur talked to his brother, who just laughed.

“Whatever,  _ Small Emo Child. _ ”

“I swear to God I’ll use your toothbrush to clean the toilet.”

“Boys, enough.”, Phil laughed, because warmths his heart when his sons are fighting playfully, or competing for stupid things. It’s like they’re still 14 years old. He wishes that, someday, _Eleanor_ will be part of these little fights. “You guys had fun?”, he opens the car, the two boys already opening the back doors.

“No, I hate Techno.”, it’s the answer from Will, making the other two laugh more. 

And Thomas stares, not knowing what to do. He be green with envy, because he wishes to have brothers to fight, or having a progenitor to put a final line at it, or to give him goodnight kisses.

He was so mad. So jealous. Even though everyone in Watson's family is trying to make him part of it. 

“What about you, Ellie?”, Philip asked when everyone was inside the automobile. As an answer, _she_ shrugged _her_ shoulders, looking at the window. 

He sighs softly, for seconds letting his happy facade fall. Try the best, but it feels like his best is nothing. It’s a shit feeling, as no one is to blame - it’s what he concludes, at least. 

Though, William, when he looked at his dad, who was feeling pathetic and hopeless after a day when he tried his best, he felt furious. And he can feel - even if the older doesn’t demonstrate - how sad he is. His silence is deadly.

When they got home, Phil soon left to do something at his work. He left kisses in the face of his sons, saying to them to call whenever they needed something. Wilbur went to the girl, pissed off.

“You know, you should be nicer to dad.”, it’s what he says when both are up stairs, heading for their rooms. _Eleanor_ just rolled _her_ eyes, shrugging and walking towards _her_ room. “I’m serious.”

“Who said I wasn't?”

“Well, all you do is to be rude to him, when he only wants to help.”

“I never asked to be helped.”, _she_ put _her_ hands on the knobble, wanting to avoid this conversation. But Wilbur doesn't leave _her_ alone.

“You don’t feel guilty?! You saw how sad he was when you completely ignored him, after he did his best to make you happy?!”, he storms out, not elevating his voice too much, but it’s enough to scare a little bit the problem girl. “The world doesn't revolve around you. You should learn that everyone has feelings.”

“Oh my God, why don’t you shut the fuck up?!”, _she_ screamed a little bit, _her_ voice even failing at the intensity. “You don’t know anything about me, you bitch.”

“Obviously, all you do is to shout at us!”

“It’s because of that! Because you’re so annoying!  _ Leave me alone already, damn it! _ ”

**_Be rude._ **

Wilbur sighs, trying his best to soothe himself, because he doesn’t want to scream at _her_ , even though he really wants right now.

“I don’t fucking care if you’ll not like me if you’re going to treat me like this, but, shit, dad is trying his best! He just wants you to be happy, for God’s sake!”

“I’ll be much happier if I’m at the foster house.”  ~~**_lie._ ** ~~

Silence.

“I don’t barely know how he was capable to adopt you, all you do is to be insupportable.”, _her_ voice is full of anger and disgust, and, holy shit, that…

**_Hate me. Send me back._ **

Hearing that hurt. Tommy stops for a moment to process what he said, was considering to say sorry, but disappeared at the moment when Wilbur pushed him to the ground. 

“What about you?! You’ve been through _ten houses,_ at first I didn’t barely know how it was possible, but now I do _. Because nobody will want a person so rude like you!_ ** _I bet Phil took you out of pity._** _”_

“...Guys?”, Techno’s voice appeared, it’s able to notice how worried he is. The younger ones didn’t look at him, because both are processing what longboi just said.

“ _Eleanor_ , I-I didn’t mean-”, he approximates, wanting to aid _her_ to get up, however, _she_ did first, moving away his touch.

“I think you did, big man.”, it’s the only thing _she_ said before closing _her_ door, locking it.

Utter silence filled the house after the fight. Wilbur stayed some seconds looking at the shut door, standing still. After a sigh, he walked toward his room, leaving Techno behind.

The house remained quiet for an hour and half. At some point, the older sibling entered Will’s room, probably to question what exactly happened. No one had the audacity to try to knock _Eleanor’s_ door after that. William felt too embarrassed to, and Techno doesn’t even know what to say to the girl. 

After a few moments, the tallest decided to go at _her_ door and apologize. He was feeling horrible. Initially, he knocked, having nothing but silence as an answer. He tried once more. And in the third time, decided to try to open it.

The room was dark, silent. He lights up, looking at the open window, the wind moving softly the curtains.

_ Shit. _

**_(...)_ **

  
  


Philip is at his office, just finished an appointment. For now, all he has to do is to make some notes, organize his notebook and do some research to support him a little. The only sound detected in the room was the wind knocking the glass, like it’s about to rain.

However, it changed when his cell phone started ringing. 

He took it, seeing it’s Wilbur calling. He frowned, but accepted it.

“Will, everything’s alright?”

“ _ Dad… I’m so sorry. _ ”, his voice is choked, sobbing. Automatically he started put together his things to go home, even though he didn't know what happened.

“Oh, Will... Breathe, kay?”, the older can hear him breathing loudly, trying to calm himself. “What happened?”

“ _ I-I... Shit, I’m so sorry, Dad, it’s all my fault… _ ”

“Son, it’s okay, we can make it through, but first you need to tell me what happened so I can help.”, shit,  _ he doesn’t deserve someone so good to be his dad.  _

“ _ Eleanor ran away. _ ”


	4. Where is home.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tommy runs away to nowhere. Hoping that the home he looks are in the streets. But, the Watson's family shows him that he already has a place to call home. Slowly, they heal.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> MAYBE I CRIED A LITTLE WRITING THIS CHAPTER? MAYBE
> 
> shit i though this one would be a short one, BUT WHEN I SAW I WROTE ALMOST 4K WORDS FUCK MY ASS????????? IM SORRYFJSKFJSK
> 
> literally just finished writing, i'm lazy to see if theres repeated words and shit like that, this bitch is long im so sorry
> 
> it envolves a little of angst, fluffy and wholesome. im living for them IM SO SAD
> 
> also wanted to mention that, when i call tommy by his deadname and with feminine pronouns, it's more like how the other see him, due to he didn't come out yet - in case someone though i was just being transphobic idk
> 
> good reading! i recommend to listen "broken", by Anson Seabra, this music helped me a lot while writing

His respiration was mismatched, although he’s not running. The adrenaline walking through his veins, making everything worse than already is. Holding tightly, the backpack was basically full with all his things. Thomas couldn’t take it anymore, living by his own is the best option after  _ eleven houses* _ .

**_*Eleven houses counting the Watson’s family._ **

He doesn’t have much money, maybe starting to work in cleaning some houses, babysitting, will help. But, for today, all he desires it’s to lie his head and thoughts. Too much happened in just 3 hours. And,  _ shit _ , Tommy perceives he wasn’t the better side of the fight. Thinking that just makes his throat tights to the point he has to stop in an alley to breathe heavily.

Your eyes water up, still, he doesn’t let a tear fall. 

The teen hasn’t stopped to just think correctly, to see things in a more realistic way. Cause, right now, everything seems to lead to one exit:  _ running away _ . The thought of going to Wilbur’s room to talk, or using his cellphone to leave a message for Phil, nothing came to his mind. His sore eyes only discern the fact that the streets are better than having a  _ home _ .

A couple of minutes are necessary for the boy to retake the walk. Everyone is inside at their houses, protecting themselves of the cold that the wind is bringing, soon, the rain. Stores and street lights help him to comprehend where his feet are stepping. Everything seems like a blur.

He doesn’t know how long he’s been walking, but he hasn’t stopped to sit and snatch a proper breath. When it finally started raining, he knew that, perhaps, things will not get worse. The sun didn’t set, but, due to the rain and his blur sight, it looks like it is already night.

And all he wants is to sleep.

The rain falls gently above his coat, leaving puffs amid his lips, trying to calm himself. He needs a place to hide since, well, if Watson’s family finds him he is fucked. So, so fucked. Philip will be so mad at him for yelling at his son and, after, running away. He just knows that this will happen.

_ Holy fuck _ , thinking that makes his heart sore. He wants to cry so bad. His number one rule broke when, every morning, he woke up just to be with Phil, to talk to him. And, right now, he  absolutely ruined everything.

When his eyes glimpses an umbrella in a store, he automatically starts to walk at it. With almost all his money, he purchases a yellow umbrella, big, able to protect two people. While paying he could feel the look of the woman, worried, questioning herself why the fuck a  _ little girl _ was alone in this rain.

Thomas didn’t let her question anything, the fastest he can, he leaves, now, protecting himself from the rain. 

He walks. A lot. Only stops when he sees a playground, completely soaked because of the rain. It’s empty, muddy, his threadbare shoes now completely dirty. Practically falling one time, he makes his way to a swing, sitting on it.

At this point, it doesn't really matter if the rain is completely drenching him, and maybe his butt was also soaked due to the wet swing. But, fuck it. Everything fucked after  he had thought it was a good idea to live on his own.

Tommy just let the rain cherish and put away his wounds. 

  
  


**_(...)_ **

It was in absolute chaos when Phil came home.

Wilbur was with his face red, puffed from crying, walking to and fro, biting his nails in pure nervosism. Techno was sitting on the back of the couch, quiet, probably thinking what they should do.

When both heard the door opening, their eyes automatically landed on the older, which was with a confused and worried countenance. 

“Enter the car, and you guys explain to me what happened.”, it’s the only thing he said before leaving the house again. He wasn’t mad, not at all, but in a rush to find _Eleanor_. Since, well, _she’s_ a teen, in the middle of the rain, walking through the city where, unfortunately, there are disgusting people. 

With umbrellas in hands, both entered the automobile, Techno sitting in the front with his dad.

It’s quiet. No radio, just the sound of the rain falling on the car’s roof. And even if Philip doesn’t want to admit, he wants to cry. For many reasons, being exactly. But the one who terrifies him the most is the fact that, for the first time, he’s experiencing this. His kids never did that, and he honestly doesn’t have an idea what to do. Where to search, or,  _ shit. _

He sighs heavily, trying to ignore the urge of crying in front of his sons. 

“Dad, I’m sorry, it’s… It’s my fault.”, Wilbur started, biting his lip while he moved his hands eagerly, trying to soothe. “We had a fight, I started. It’s all my fault. I’m so,  _ so sorry. _ ”, again, his voice starts to choke, for the twentieth time wanting to cry. 

“Will…”, one more sigh from the older. “It’s not your fault. Fights happen all the time, and the right thing to do is to talk about it.”, a long pause, thinking. He doesn’t know much besides that a fight happened between the youngsters, it’s really hard to evaluate. “No one is in trouble. You should resolve this with a conversation.”

“And _she_ talked some harsh things too, Will. There’s really no right side, just something really annoying that happened.”

William breathes heavily, trying to set this in mind. No one is accusing him, either Eleanor. It’s really a fucked up situation. However, his head can’t genuinely comprehend this, as the thought that this merely happened because he started it was present. 

“I’m sorry.”

“Will, _she’s_ not going to show up like this, y’know?”, his older brother started, looking at the taller in the back seat. Phil, a little bit worried, looked at the pinkyboi. He knows that, sometimes, he can be a little bit harsh. “I understand, like, you’re feeling guilty. But, right now, there’s no time to whimper about it. When we find her, then you can say as much as you want how sorry you are. But right now, I will ask you to calm and help, okay?”, the mentioned nodded, sighing, drying your tears. “Now, breathe with me.”

With rhythmic puffs, both breathed heavily, inflating their lungs and calming themselves. They execute that to the point that Wilbur, finally, can breathe correctly without starting to cry. He takes the hand of his brother, holding it, and notwithstanding Techno is embarrassed - since he’s not really good with touches -, he reciprocates.

The car was moving slowly, taking advantage that no one was outside on a rainy sunday, looking carefully if they could glimpse the girl. All Wilbur wants right now it’s apologize.

**_(...)_ **

Thomas doesn’t know how much time he spent just swinging, completely soaked. Yet, at one point, he stood up and started to walk, looking gloomily for somewhere he can sleep. His shoes plunge into the mud, having to look down so he wouldn’t fall. His long hair was laying on his shoulders, some strands of hair glued to the forehead due to the pitiless rain.

And it’s legitimately sad. He’s lost, don’t having a place where he is found. Feasibly it was true what Wilbur said: Phil just took him because the pity said so. Merely look at his face: tired, sad gaze. Who will adopt this rebellious kid?

Finally, he starts crying. He wanders a few miles, only to when he finds a bench, to sit on it. His crying was full of overwhelming sadness, the sobs cutting heavily in his throat. Deafening and whining sounds come out of your mouth, near to sounding like a scream. It hurts so bad. Tommy is so tired of everything.

The wounded boy feels ashamed of himself. How hard he is crying for something he clearly stated he never would be being affected by. His arms hug his body, caressing, desperately trying to give some comfort. 

“Eleanor?”

It’s now the time he will die miserably?

When he heard his… His name, he looked startled to the person, noticing is Techno. And without pondering, he starts to run, afraid of facing his problems. 

“Eleanor, wait!”, with fast steps, he catches up, holding his wrist. It’s not rough, but it’s enough for Thomas to let go violently and fall on the ground. 

“DON’T TOUCH ME!”, _she_ screamed on top of her lungs, putting her hands above her ears, like _she’s_ sheltering _herself_ from something that the taller one doesn't know what it is. The flames start to fill all her frail body, and again, _she_ can’t breathe.

_ they’re mad they’re mad they’re gonna send me back im so fucked up im fucked up why am like this? whats wrong with me? why? why i do this? i’m so fucked up fucked up fucked up fucked up fucked- _

The vision is terrible. _Ellie_ swings back and forth, like one day her mom made when _she_ was crying. _She_ tries to remember the love, the touches from someone who wants to help, but _she_ feels nothing. And _her_ body starts to burn more.

“ _Eleanor_ , look at me.”, Techno’s voice made through _her_ ears, he’s seeking his best to be soft, gentle, even though he doesn’t have an idea how to do it. With palpable fear in her eyes, _she_ looks, putting away _her_ hands from above _her_ ears. “No one is mad, ok? You’re ok, please, breathe.”

His voice is also choked. The older can’t help but feel terrified, also afraid of doing something wrong, to being unable to help the kid. He never was through this, just using the examples of his dad lulling him when he was afraid to go to school. 

They breathe with difficulty. Eleanor’s unaided eyes fixed on his and vice versa. Both calming themselves on this situation. 

“You’re safe, I’m here. Let’s go home.”

“Am I in trouble?”, her voice is so low and sad, her hands shaking like crazy.

“No. No one is mad at you. We just want you to be safe. Phil is so worried.”, he swallows dry, preventing the cry his heart it’s pleading to be let out. 

And with these words, Techno, hesitant, hugs the scared body. Shit, Thomas expresses no doubt in hugging back, holding the body tightly, even if he’s so tired to have any strength to do it. Like a koala, he hugs the older one, crying harshly. He rested his head on his shoulder, crying more when he noted the hesitant hands of Tech caressing his back.

It’s warm. It felt tenderly like home.

He didn’t notice how much in need he was for a hug, until the other's arms were so inviting. How much he required someone to demonstrate to him how good it’s to have someone to love, to help you. Perchance, if his mind was in a better place right now, he would notice how much love Watson's family holds, just desiring to provide for him.

“Let’s go home.”

Thomas doesn't let go of the body, holding it tightly, because, suddenly, he is apprehensive of being alone. To not possess once more something to hug and be mutual. Techno had to choose to lift up the smaller body, which was still hugging like a koala. With thin tears going through his cheeks, easily confounding with the rain, he walks towards the car. 

It’s a little bit of a long walk. They had stopped the car near to the park to have a look around, the other two likely still looking for the teen. 

Took some minutes for them to finally come back. Eleanor was already sleeping on the other’s comforting arms, her head resting on his shoulder, both being protected by an umbrella that the older one held with difficulty. 

He’s unused to carrying a body. His arms were already sore for the time holding it, even if Ellie wasn’t so heavy. 

When Wilbur and Phil gazed at the two, they talked a little in whispers, the tallest crying already as he saw  _ his sister _ is alright ok. Techno didn’t mention anything about him crying, too ashamed of it. He just enters the car, Eleanor still in his lap, not letting her go. 

Tech lay down his head next to the other, closing his eyes, while they went home. To heal, to trust and develop the ties and love. 

**_(...)_ **

Techno just let her go when they’re in her room. He wakes her up, saying with careful words that _she_ needs to take a hot bath, _Eleanor_ already sneezing due to staying below the rain for hours. 

The younger one doesn’t say anything, just goes to the bathroom. The older sibling was so protective with her after seeing the terrible vision, literally fearing for her life just because _she_ ran away. It’s the first step to his protective-brother side waking up, like he felt for the first time with Wilbur. 

He makes the bed, placing more blankets. Probably the girl is sick after all the rain. All _she_ needs right now is to rest and be warmed up with blankets.

When _she_ makes her way back to the room, the first sight it’s Techno holding a hair dryer and a brush. 

“Are we really doing this right now?”

“Please. Or you’ll get worse.”

_Eleanor_ doesn’t try fighting back, just sits on the bed, letting the albinoboi dry and brush her hair carefully. The hair dryer it’s silent, which it’s so pleasant for _her_ ears. After it’s dry, Techno sighs, adjusting your glasses. 

“Can I do a braid?”, _she_ shrugged with her shoulders, at this point nothing matters. Ellie hugged, cried, and allowed the other to be next to _her_. Slowly, the shelters around her heart start peeling, letting her new family enter.

Painstakingly, he starts to make the braid. _Her_ hair isn’t too long, not like his, but it’s near. It’s a dirty blonde, making all the way to the middle of the back. 

“I’ve been through twelve houses.”, suddenly he said, putting away his glasses so he could see better closely. “I was a loud child. I liked to play sword fighting, hide and seek… But all the houses I went to were rigid. I remember how much they complained about how much noise I made.” 

“Annoying bitches…”, _she_ mumbles, listening carefully to the story, the urge to sleep coming calmly. The comment makes Techno leave a breathy laugh.

“Yeah… They were really blunt, and at one point I was afraid to make any noises, because it remitted to suffering. This started when I was 9, just went through seven houses.”, he stops sometimes doing the braid because of the talking, he’s not really a braid-talking person. “After this, until my 11 years old, everyone after like one week with me were sending me back to the foster home. All because I didn’t say a word.”

“Funny, now you’re telling me a bedtime story.”

“Shush.”, and _she_ left a tiny laugh, _her_ shoulders relaxing. “Dad stayed with me all this time, not forcing once to make me talk. After one month I said one word to him. His reaction was unmissable.”, a fond smile grew up in Techno’s face, feeling his heart warm up from the good memories. “I owe him everything.”

A comfortable silence stays, the taller one finally finishing the braid.

“If there’s something I can help, you can call me.”, _Eleanor_ turned around, looking at him with drowsy eyes. “Go to sleep. You need to rest.”

With a shy nod, _she_ puts herself below the blankets, Techno putting another one just to make sure _she’ll_ not get worse. 

“Goodnight.”, he turns off the lights, ready to close the door.

“Techno, wait.”

“Hm?”, his monotone eyes look at her, seeing the puffy face surrounded by blankets.

“Thank you.”

He smiled. 

“No problem.”

He shuts the door, letting her sleep with the warm of acceptance. 

**_(...)_ **

Thomas doesn’t know how much time he slept. However, when he woke up, it was midnight, everyone in the house sleeping. 

He still feels a little bit sick. Like flashes, he remembers sometimes when Phil woke him up to eat something light, or to take medicines and check his temperature. He was so tired that right after he slept again. 

After approximately 20 hours, his body was fully recovered of everything. He felt awesome, the boy couldn’t lie. He puts a hoodie and a coach, socks and slippers, bringing a blanket too. With silent steps, he goes towards the garden. Some lights make the place more visible, helping him to find the path to the swing at the tree.

He sits at it, making a shell with the blanket. Tommy stares at the sky, the little lights sparkling softly. The wind meticulously moved his hair, still in a braid. Like the other time where he and Phil gardened together, he feels the peace of nature. His heart opening his doors to let the sounds and air cherish it’s inside.

An inhale, after, an exhale, letting with whiff some bad thoughts that are still in the back of his head. Maybe he should give them a chance. But when he did this, when he thought he found a family, they were his worst enemies. Thomas really wants to trust them - believe in me, he wants -, however the fear of people discovering who he really is and… And abandoning him.

It’s terrible.

He makes a mental list of things they did to him, bad and good. The only bad thing was the misgender and the fight with Wilbur. Besides that? Nothing. Not even when he ran away they screamed at him. The frustration it’s still present in his heart, since he wants to understand why. Gradually, the thoughts of questioning himself  _ why they’re doing this _ are disappearing, choosing to accept hesitantly.

“Hey.”

The teen was so distracted by his thoughts that the voice from Wilbur almost made him fall off the swing.

“Shit, man! I’m aging, you don’t do that to my heart.”, with a loud sigh, the younger nestles back in the covers. 

“Sorry… Didn’t know you were here.”

Silence. It’s uncomfortable.

Will sits on the ground, and in the corner of his eye, Tommy notices he brought his guitar. They didn’t stare at each other, too embarrassed to do that. They didn’t talk after the fight, due to the boy sleeping all the time, recovering from the hard times. And Wilbur wanted to wait for him to fully recover and be in the right place.

And when he sees that right now it’s the time, he freezes. Suddenly he doesn’t know what to say and do. Everything he practiced in the mirror, every word that was picked carefully, now flows away. 

“Can we, like… Talk?”, he tries to start, hesitant.

“Don’t know big man. What do you want to talk about?”

“I, uh…”, he sighs, scratching the back of his neck in nervousness. “What I said wasn’t really cool of me.”

“I agree with your talk, big man.”

“Please, I’m serious.”, he sighs again, playing with his fingers anxiously, seeking for words on them. “I was upset after you told me that, because… You nudged an open wound of mine. Some kids in the foster home said I was annoying, too emotional or… Things like that. And some days I thought that I would never find a home since I was so-everything.”

Tommy looked at him, and even if he wanted to say something really mean, he just listened. Looking at his expressions, noticing how everyone has a wound in their hearts. It’s an obvious statement. Yet Thomas was so tied in his problems and emotions that he hadn’t stopped to think that. 

Maybe he was really focusing only on his feelings.

“What do you mean by annoying?”

“Ahm, like, too energetic and talkative. They were always saying how I never shutted my mouth.”, he looks briefly at the younger eyes, after deflecting to the sky. “I was immature, I wanted to give you the same coin.”

“I wasn’t very mature too, big man…”, he said, muffled, now looking at his feet, the tips touching softly the ground. “I… Ok, don’t say anyone about it, or you will have problems, pal.”, he looks at Wilbur, who nods.

“I’ll not.”

“Good. Ok.”, a sigh, looking again at his feet. “I don’t really know how to say it, but, like, I have this urge to be rude. To-To put away people.”

“Too afraid of them?”

“Something like that.”, Will hummed, comprehending. “I feel they’re talking to me to gain something, like my trust. I think that got worse after a house, where I thought it was my family.”, a sad laugh left his lips, looking at the sky, seeking words on the stars. 

“I imagine how hard… How hard it’s to go through ten houses. I’ll never fully understand, but… I can see how this, you know; affected you.”, it’s a genuine conversation, putting their thoughts and experiences, to understand and recover a relationship that can exist. “I can’t tell much, I had only three houses.”

“Yeah, but… I think that’s the thing. I have triple houses than you, yet I understand how you can be so happy. Like… Who is happy these days?”, he says it like old people would say to new things, and that makes Wilbur laugh, easing the air. Tommy laughs too.

A brief silence, and it’s good. It’s relaxing. Slowly, they’re understanding each other's sides. Not seeing as a person they fought, and yes, a person that has feelings and was affected by it.

“I really didn’t mean it. I just wanted to push you away, so you say to Phil to send me back, because… I just wanted to rush it. I can’t really think of finally finding a family.”, Thomas says carefully, putting away how stubborn he is and being a decent person, being what he  _ really _ wants to be. 

“I hope that you see us as a family, one day. I like you.”

“Awnt.”

“Shut the fuck up.”

They laugh a bit. The guilty in Wilbur’s heart, slowly, waving away, like an ocean hitting it waves the barriers of the beach, and comes back again to the water, washing everything. 

“I can say to you, I’m not perfect-”

“Poor you, I am.”

“Shush, let me finish.”, the younger laughs a bit, but nods. “As I was saying… I’m not perfect, sometimes I fuck things up, and… That’s a normal thing. I really didn’t mean to say that to you. I know how Phil is and he would never bring someone home out of pity. I wanted to make you sad like you did to me. I was toxic, like really.” 

“It’s… It’s ok, I was too.”

“But you have, ahm, your situation it’s more reasonable. I was just a toxic bitch.”, a little ashamed and nervous laugh leaves from Wilbur, finally putting away everything he really wants to say. “I want you to be happy here, and… See us like people you can trust. So, I assure you, if I make any mistake, tell me, so we can talk. Let’s not... Put away to the point it’ll explode and, yeah.”

“Then, let’s make a promise. A pinky one.”, Tommy turns around to him, bringing closely his pinky finger so they can seal the deal.

“Kay, if I fuck up again, you can kick me in the balls.”, he lifts his pinky up, and his statement made the other laugh hard, thinking how funny the word “ball” it’s, like a 14 years old teen.

“Ok, and I will cut your finger.”

“No, I neve-”

“I will cut your finger.”

“Shit, fine, gremlin.”, with a roll of the eyes, they interlace their fingers. 

Maybe Tommy should trust them.

  
  



	5. Body.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Two months. Gradually, ties starts to exist. Tommy meet new people, making a new friend, Tubbo. However, the feeling of not fitting don't leave his body.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> SORRY FOR THE LATE
> 
> maybe the writing from this chapter is more poor than the others, really sorry:(. im really tired, literally writing with my splint. i have a syndrome where when i use too much my hands they hurt reaally bad, and yesterday i worked extremely hard. so sorry about it
> 
> also ????THANK YOU FOR THE 600 KUDOS HOLY SHIT??????? I DONT EVEN KNOW WHAT TO SAYKFHDSKFSKDJ
> 
> this chapter it's a really fluffy one, more of a water parting. from here, things are getting different and better, and the time skips also will be more frequent
> 
> i prediction that the come-out chapter will be the ninth or tenth one, don't really know, but yeah!!! im excited to write it!!
> 
> i wanted to comment, do you guys noticed that the chapters are named with song's titles? all of the songs are on the spotify playlist!!! the name is "there's nothing wrong with you"
> 
> eret will be a really important character for tommy in this story, so, i hope you guys like their moments together!!
> 
> TW: dysphoria. stay safe:( you're valid!
> 
> good reading!

Two months.

Slowly, things are getting better. They’re bonding in the rhythm of Tommy, no one wanting to force him. He started attending school, the same as Techno and Wilbur - Phil wanted to make sure his sons would protect the  _ girl _ .

After the fight had happened, Wilbur and Thomas tried their best to resolve their relationship. Sometimes, at midnight, both meet in the garden, the younger one daily waking up in the middle of the night only to encounter him. Some nights he’s the first. Others Wilbur is. There are even some which they both meet in the corridor.

When the tallest arrives first, he strums the strings of his guitar, singing to the stars musics that the problem boy doesn’t have an idea which ones are. And he stops at the entrance, listening to the voice. Until the older one notices and curses at him, totally embarrassed that he was watching in silence.

Gradually, a super uncomfortable relationship was, now, a deep bond. Both already understand each other’s feelings just looking at their eyes. There are days where the younger one in the house is afraid that, the next day, everything will change. All of that because of his grave problems with anxiety. 

He even so experiences the urge to scream at them, to make them sad. When they notice that he doesn’t mean it, they hold his hand, in silence, until he calms down and apologizes. Tommy is uneasy that, some time, they will change radically. Or just decide they are tired of him, sending him back.

There’s no reason for him to think that, besides his experiences. Most of the times when he feels like this, he isolates, sleeps all day. However, the others in the house notice, and they go to his room, lovingly obliging him to watch a movie.

Phil, in the mornings before school, leaves early just for the three of them to bond and has fun. It worked. Most of the time, he heard Wilbur or  _ Ellie  _ screaming upstairs to him, complaining about the other doing something. One day, Philip was begging for God for  _ Eleanor  _ to participate in the playful fights, and the other, he was laughing out loud from the bickering between  _ her  _ and William. 

Today is a curious day.

Saturday, 8 AM, and the older one in the house is already up. Phil was sitting at the table, enjoying his breakfast with a tired expression. But Wilbur? Well, this bitch is already jumping through the house, like a flea, in pure excitement. 

“Ellie! Wake up right now! Or Bingus will bite your foot.”, with the cat in hands, he places it on her feet. In response, a mumble can be heard, after covering her ears to avoid the other. “Don’t ignore me! Get up, today it’s cleaning day, you have to clean the sandboxes.”

“Why do I have to clean the shit-box?”, her voice is muffled by the pillow, turning around and scratching your eyes, trying to ward off the sleep. 

“Because I said so. Come onnnn!”, Will pulls her, making the girl sit on the bed. Her face was puffed due to the sleeping, barely able to open the eyes. “Some friends of mine will come here, we have to clean the house. Or they will discover in this pigsty that we have you as a pet pig.”

It’s a healthy provocation, no meaning to hurt the girl’s feelings. It’s a common thing, and to avoid any uncomfortable situations, they created a safe word. Eleanor tries kicking the other’s leg, failing miserably.

“Shit, since when have you got friends?”

“Run or you’ll die.”

Thomas doesn’t hesitate in running away from the bedroom, the other already after him. The younger one can't help but scream in despair, since the long legs of his  _ brother  _ supports him to run faster. 

“Phil, PHIL! HELP!”, he laughs out loud, scratching his eyes again so the blur from the sleep leaves completely. Behind Philip, the blonde boy is hiding. On the other side of the table Wilbur is laughing breathly, waiting for the perfect moment to try to capture him. 

“No running in the stairs, kids.”, it’s the only thing he says before the two starts running again, ignoring the warning completely and running like crazy in the stairs. William skips steps. When Tommy tries to do the same, he falls, making the taller stops and bursting out laughing. 

He takes advantage of it to run in Techno’s room, jumping in the bed and going below the blankets, laying on his side.

“Techno, you bitch! Wake up, Wilbur is going to kill me!”,  _ Eleanor  _ softly shakes the bigger body, wakening him up. He groans, opening his eyes a little to observe what’s happening. Right after, Techno gives his back to his  _ sister _ , ignoring  _ her  _ completely. “TECHNO, MOTHERFUCK-”

“YOU’RE DEAD, LITTLE GREMLIN CHILD!”, Will burst out the door, screaming and smiling in a psychopath way.  _ Ellie  _ laughs loudly, not knowing whether to laugh or run.  _ She’s  _ barely capable of jumping behind Techno’s body, using him as a barrier. 

“Why in my room?”, the barrier whimpers, Wilbur ignoring it and poking endlessly at the  _ girl’s  _ body, making  _ her  _ laugh.

And the poking just stops when Techno turns around again, pinching Will’s belly.

“Ouch, Techno!”, he complains dramatically and loudly, making a pout, as if he were going to start crying. 

“Suck it, bitch!”, it’s the unique thing Thomas says before gripping Tech's body, which completely gave up coming back to sleep with the two chaotic kids in his bedroom.

“Techno, I thought you loved me!”, again, Wilbur says dramatically, faking a crying voice. He lays above his body, hugging him. 

“Wilbur, get off me!”, the older sibling can’t restrain a smile, trying to push away the two bodies that are hugging him.

“Say you love me, then.”

Silence.

“It looks like I’m staying here.”, he hugs more tightly, nestling in a comfortable way on top of his body.  _ Eleanor  _ just laughs a little, observing the immature fight.

And the chaos washed away when, slowly, the three chaotic kids fell asleep.  _ Ellie  _ is on the side of Techno, hugging him. Wilbur sleeps on top of his body, covering it completely with his unnecessarily long body. His head rests on the curvature of the older’s neck, one of his hands on the  _ girl’s  _ hair.

That’s the scene where Phil had to face it when, suddenly, the house went silent, checking if there were any dead bodies.

He can’t help but take a photo before waking the three up.

How much he wished to see this in the last two months. Things have not been easy recently. At least seeing  _ Eleanor  _ laugh, let  _ her  _ inner child get out and play with  _ her  _ new family… Made his day much better. 

He doesn’t know much about  _ her  _ life, just the fact that  _ she  _ went through ten houses, suffers anxiety and anger problems, and is afraid of letting people in  _ her  _ heart. They didn’t talk about it, and he prefers not touching on the subject. Waiting it’s the best option with the teen.

It’s not really possible to know if the Watson’s family is hitherto in  _ Ellie’s  _ heart, however, the warmth he felt in his heart as he saw the  _ girl  _ let herself enjoy adolescence as it should: it’s indescribable. Philip was afraid that, after the run-away-night, he fucked everything up. As if he had failed in a parental figure for  _ her _ . 

A thing that he would never forget it’s how  _ her  _ eyes were after  _ she  _ got better from the cold. How embarrassed they were, not even making eye contact. That night, with the  _ girl  _ laying in  _ her  _ bed below 3 blankets, he caressed  _ her  _ hair slowly, sighing gently.

_ “I was… Scared when Will called me saying that you ran away.”, he said, her shy eyes not staring at him, fixing at her hands which are resting on her side. “I thought I lost you. Forever.” _

_ The teen observed his eyes, being capable to perceive how much sadness and failure he was holding in his chest.  _

_ “I can’t help but think I failed as a dad.”, Phil looks briefly at her face, smiling sadly when saw Eleanor looking at him. The older moved away some strands of the girl’s hair, showing clearly her charming face. _

_ “I’m sorry…”, it’s muffled, almost a mumble, and he shakes his head, still smiling.  _

_ “You don’t have to be sorry. It’s… More a thing of mine. It’s something that I have to work on.”, she doesn’t agree with what he stated, yet, stayed quiet. The guilt was so harsh that she couldn’t say another word. “I’m just… Really happy that nothing really bad happened to you. I’m glad to have you at home, Ellie.” _

After this conversation, no one ever mentioned again about the event. 

Slowly,  _ Eleanor  _ started waking up early on the weekends, like  _ she  _ did before. Some days they talked, others just stayed in silence. One day they gardened, others they went to the supermarket together. In the quietness of the house, Philip and  _ Eleanor  _ started improving their bond.

Phil doesn’t know if  _ Ellie  _ already maintains him and his sons in  _ her  _ heart, but a thing he knows certainly:  _ she is on his. She is his daughter. _

They woke up after the older one in the house placed all the cats above them. Techno was the first to wake up, pushing Wilbur off the bed. That made the two brothers start to bickering until the point  _ Eleanor  _ screamed a “ _ SHUT THE FUCK UP _ ”, pushing Tech off the bed.

And Phil just laughed and watched.

On this day, Wilbur woke up with the devil in his body. He didn’t stop irritating his siblings. While they were cleaning the house, he and the girl ran around the house two times. All because the taller one was not stopping to use  _ Eleanor’s _ hair as a mustache.

2 PM, and finally William’s friends came. Thomas was in his room, tired after all the running, screaming and cleaning. He took a bath, avoiding looking at his body, not even removing the towel over the mirror since he arrived on the first day at the house. 

Even if he doesn’t want to talk to people, Will said clearly he wanted him to meet them. Apparently, they’re close friends of the entire family, since he can listen to laughs from Phil and the others. 

He tries his best to be presentable. He puts his hair in a lazy braid, not hesitating in using his new shirt with trans-Saturn. Since he’s not using his casual hoodie, Tommy puts his self-made binder. It was made with tight shorts, not being so good as a real binder, but it’s enough for him to be happy.

It’s bizarre. So strange. Everybody staring at him, seeing as a girl, even if he’s seeking his best to match the shit gender roles. That’s one of the biggest reasons he doesn’t like to go outside, meet new people, etceteras. 

Everyone identifies him as a girl.

He can’t help but feel dysphoric about it. His hands shake in nervousness, feeling disgusted by himself. It’s an awful feeling. The boy feels he’s not valid, that he isn’t a real boy. Up until now, he swallows it harshly, trying to neglect the feelings he’s consistently avoiding. 

Thomas goes directly to the kitchen to drink some water, but, obviously, Phil and - like always - a long bitch are on it, talking. 

“Oh, hi there.”, the taller one said, his voice being so fucking deep, scaring the shit out of the boy.

“Shit! Hello there, Deep Throat. The fuck?!”

Phil tries to muffle his laugh, however was so unexpected that he couldn’t. The Deep Throat also laughs, not showing a flinch that they’re offended by it.

_ I make the best entries and first impressions, don't I? _

“Yeah, that’s my  _ daughter _ ,  _ Eleanor _ .”, gently, he approximates, caressing his shoulder. The word “ _ daughter _ ” echoed around all his head, and Tommy merely doesn’t know if he’s supposed to be happy or sad. “ _ Ellie _ , that’s Eret.”

“Pleasure. Loved your shirt.”, Eret-Deep-Throat waves softly, smiling. He stares briefly at the cloth, after looking once more at the other. Shit, everytime the boy hears someone praising his shirt his eyes start to glow like stars. “These colors are the best together, don’t they?”

He’s not dumb, he can detect the tone on Eret’s voice. Like they distinguishes what the colors are about. Instead of telling Phil, or looking disgusted, they actually looked…  _ Proud _ . His cheeks blush, eyes widening.

“Y-Yeah…”, a smile, a big one. He was shy in a good way, because the feeling of someone knowing what that meant and accepting is… God! It's utterly incredible! Like fireworks, the teen’s body starts to combust in a pleasant way.

_ Acceptance. _

“Wilbur wanted you to know Tubbo, Eret’s brother. Maybe go there, he will be glad to have you.”, Phil smiled, giving a last caress in Thomas shoulder before he nodded and left the kitchen. His cheeks are still rosy, a broad smile stamped on your face. 

_ Proud. _

He approximates, quietly, looking at all the people sitting on the couch, talking loudly and laughing. The boy doesn’t know anyone, not even a single soul. When Wilbur notes his presence, he smiles widely, pulling the teen near. 

“Guys, that’s our pet-pig,  _ Eleanor _ .”

_ For God’s sake. _

“Hey, guys, that’s your friend,  _ Small Emo Child. _ ”, as he said that, everyone laughed hard, Wilbur screaming at him for mentioning it. He laughs too, because he feels content. Deep down, the feelings of haven’t come out for them stays, pounding his heart. He knows it will stay until he says it. But, right now, if being called by his deadname, wrong pronouns, means that he will have this… Than, it’s better.

“I’m NOT Emo!”, he gives a light punch in Tommy’s arm, smiling a little, even if he’s seeking his best to be mad. Will can’t help but feel happy to see his  _ sister  _ being nice to people that  _ she  _ doesn’t know.

“Your playlist filled with My Chemical Romance and The Fray say otherwise.” a girl with pink hair tips and german accent spoke, laughing.

“SHUT UP, NIKI!”, and the bullying with him continues, because everybody knows that, deep down, William Watson is emo.

Thomas is lost in the conversation. Will obliged him to sit on his side, and he observed all the older people talking and laughing. Instead of one, who sits besides Niki, in complete silence. His hair is brown and fluffy, almond eyes and chubby cheeks. It’s possible to notice how shy and introverted he is just the way he sits, shrunken, observing everyone shyly. 

“... Guys, stop this conversation! Children are in the room!”, a guy said, while laughing. He was the one who was talking the most and making everyone laugh. When he said it, everyone looked specifically at Tommy and the other boy.

“Oh shit, I almost forgot. So, yeah,  _ Ellie _ , that’s Tubbo. He’s your age.”, he pointed at the boy, now, entitled as Tubbo, who just awkwardly waved at him.

“We have to leave?”, the teen said, looking at the  _ still  _ tallest one.

“Yes, this conversation it’s only for adults.”

He rolled his eyes.

“We have many pussies. I’m a big m-  _ woman _ .”

Nobody noticed it, just laughed. It’s way better like this. 

“Oh my God, shut up and go already play with Tubbo.”, Wilbur doesn’t know if he laughs or tries to be annoyed, but he’s mixing both. 

“Fine, Emo.”, again, a roll of eyes, standing up.

“I swear to-”

“Let’s go, Big T. Let’s have our big man conversation.”, awkwardly,  _ Big T _ stands up too, the height difference being notable from far. Tommy was always the… The  _ girl  _ who stands out among the others. All of the  _ girls  _ being short, 160, 150 cm… But, him? He’s straight up 185 cm. 

It’s the sole thing he’s proud about his body.

As they were going up the stars, gradually the conversation began being muffled, at the point that they couldn’t understand. Tommy sighs softly, looking at the smaller one.

“Do you like Minecraft?”, automatically, Tubbo’s eyes light up, opening a bashful smile and nodding. “Let’s play, then. Here, let’s use the bitch’s computer.”

He opens Wilbur’s door, waiting for the shy boy to enter too. He didn’t hear him saying a word, and Thomas genuinely doesn’t care. Unconsciously, after knowing relatively more about Techno’s life, he started to be more empathetic to shy people. Typically, he would scream at them, frustrated, thinking that the person isn’t giving him attention.

However, right now, he thinks about how Techno looked hurt while talking about people screaming at him to talk.

They seated and turned up the PC, straight clicking on Minecraft’s icon. He clicked the “Play” button, and stared at the other boy, who was just staring.

“Let’s speedrun. You play, and I help you with emotional support.”, the boy nodded again, and they shift places, Tubbo nervously creating a new world, slowly writing “ _ spped _ run.”

Tommy laughed.

“ _ Spped _ run! Let’s go!”, he says loudly, and surprisingly, Tubbo laughs too, timid. 

Gradually, the smaller boy started talking, low, but still talking. While Tommy is unnecessarily loud and garrulous, he’s very quiet. Yet, when Toby opens his mouth, everything that comes out it’s incredibly funny quotes. Keywords that make the blonde boy laugh really loud.

It’s a duo that, surprisingly, worked out really good together. 

When they concluded their run in 40 minutes, they made a high five, excitedly. Currently, it was Thomas’s time to speedrun. They talked slightly about themselves, discovering they share English classes, Tubbo is older and dyslexic. Similar tastes, like Minecraft, Hamilton, hating Americans, geography and history, etceteras.

In no time the younger tried to offend or be mean to him. It’s comical how he felt comfortable around the other, both talking after an hour like they know each other for years. It’s so refreshing and fun, because they exchanged numbers when he left, talking more virtually. Knowing much more about each other. 

Suddenly, he wants nothing but Monday coming soon.

He also is added to a group chat, involving all Wilbur’s friends, even Techno. All that because “he was really funny.”

Still, when he’s by himself, he feels so strange. Feeling out, like he doesn’t fit in. This same feeling made him unable to sleep.

Thomas is aware of this. The feeling of not fitting in, doesn't belong to this body; all of that because, today, the dysphoria woke up with the Devil - who was inside Wilbur’s body. He didn’t take the binder off, even if he was using a hoodie. 

Suddenly, everything started being resumed to his body.  _ Monday has math,  _ **_but they will call me Eleanor._ ** _ I made a new friend today,  _ **_but he sees me like a girl._ ** _ Phil called me his daughter,  _ **_but I’m a boy._ **

That’s enough.

He stands up, feeling so anxious and self-esteem so low. While he walked out of his room, the carpet cherishing his toes, he felt like he was stepping on his self-esteem. His lip trembled, wanting to let out sobs. The eyes started transforming waterfalls, wanting to escape from this wounded body.

Hands shaking softly, he reaches out the door handle, revealing Techno’s bedroom. It’s dark, he’s sleeping, spread all over the bed. Tommy, holding his pillow and blanket, stands near the sleeping-albino-boy. 

_ That’s a really bad idea. _

Still, he softly shakes the body, waking him up. He mumbles inconsistent things before scratching his eyes, looking at the dysphoric blonde boy.

“Is everything alright,  _ Ellie _ ?”, his voice is hoarse due to the sleep, sitting on the padded.  _ Ellie. _ The teen nods, sighing.

“I can’t sleep.”, ~~_ please, help me distract from these feelings. _ ~~

“Oh.”

He didn’t expect much from the older. He’s not very good with words, as you can see.

“You can lay here, don’t know.”, he lies down again, looking at the roof, trying his best to not fall asleep. 

Shyly, Thomas lay on his side, putting the pillow and blanket. They stayed in silence for some minutes, merely looking at the roof. He doesn’t know why he searched for Techno. In fact, he doesn’t assuredly recognize why he required a company. That’ll make him just more dysphoric for hearing his deadname. 

And he wants to tell him, so bad. In hope that, maybe, he will not mind and treat like a boy. All of sudden, he barely feels like a boy. That, perhaps, all this suffering it’s so unnecessarily, ‘cause all he desires it’s  _ attention _ .

He isn’t transgender, just an  _ attention-whore. _

“I can hear you thinking.”

“What?”

Now, he’s suspicious that silently the other has mind-reading powers. He screams mentally. Nothing happens. 

_ Thank God. _

“Do you want to talk about it?”

“Not really.”

“That’s ok. Uh, maybe we could do a little game? Like, I say a secret about me, and you tell one about you.”, it's notable that he's trying his best to distract the little boy on his side. Even if Thomas doesn’t like much of the idea, he agrees, because pinkyboi is truly trying the best. 

“You start, then.”

“Shit, you child…”, he laughs, noting the smile in the other’s voice. “My name is Dave.”

They stayed silent for a moment, until  _ Eleanor  _ laughed, trying to not be too loud. Techno doesn’t know if he’s happy or sorry. 

“What the fuck?!”, one more laugh, getting to roll in bed of how much  _ she  _ was laughing. The taller just rolls his eyes, smiling a bit. “Oh, I wasn’t expecting that  _ at all _ .” 

“If you dare to call me Dave, you better start thinking what will be written on your headstone.”, and that solely makes the  _ girl  _ laugh more, putting  _ her  _ hand above the mouth to muffle the noises. “Stop laughing, goddammit… Say your secret already before I knock you off the bed.”

“Shit, fine, Dave-”

The older tries to push the  _ girl  _ off the bed.

Only failed because he didn’t have much strength right now. It started to be a little fight, both trying to put the other off the bed. It did not take much for _Eleanor_ to finally fall, Techno laughing at _her_ face.

“I hate you.”,  _ she  _ says, coming back to bed.

“Don’t care. I just need to love myself, because I’m amazing.”,  _ Ellie  _ rolled  _ her  _ eyes, right after both laughing a bit.

It’s so stupid. Up until now, she was lacking something like this.

Silence.

Thomas thinks about a secret he can reveal. His mind revolving around a big one, a really obvious one for all of us. The tip of his tongue ready to say he’s a boy, and  _ Eleanor  _ it’s a person he doesn’t know. Even if he wanted to say, his brain just froze.

Memories, slowly, navigates through his chimeras, cutting all of the perfect dreams that one day he had. The harsh words from family nine after discovering the truth and the next day sending him back to the foster home. He doesn’t want to admit,  _ but he really likes it here _ . The same destiny doesn't seem any pleasant for him.

“I hate admitting, but I’m clingy.”

That’s what he reveals.

“Really?”

“Yeah… I easily get jealous of people. I just like having their attention, and when they don’t do it I get frustrated.”, it’s not really like that, but it’s the best way he can explain it. For him, the “clingy” means how he attaches to people, how miserably he wants attention, hugs all the time. How he  _ pathetically  _ wants to feel  _ loved _ .

“I don't know if I'm afraid or if I think it's cute.”, a light punch it’s enough to make the older laugh briefly. “I have ADHD. That’s why I was a loud child.”

“Are you healed from it?”

“ADHD doesn’t have a cure,  _ Ellie _ .”, the mentioned one mumbles an “oh”, understanding. “But that’s why I do therapy and take medicines. Now it’s more… Don’t know how to say it, I think it’s more controlled.”

They talked more, telling the other secrets they have on the back of their heads, in the outback. At one point, Techno fell asleep again, leaving Thomas awake. 

He stares at the other sleeping for some time. Thinks about what they talked, and how it was good to start trusting people a little bit more. How good it’s to have someone to say when things are getting hard, or to have someone to be there with you in these times.

He wants to hate this feeling. Tommy is afraid that will flow away eventually, for no reason. However, he was already so deep on this bonding thing that, right now, there's no coming back. No matter the words he screams at himself, saying how he can’t trust these people. 

At the end of the day, as he lay on Techno’s side, Thomas is happy he went towards him for distraction. 

  
  



	6. Boys will be bugs.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Thomas noticed that having friends it's the best when things are getting hard. And having someone that he told that he's trans is also incredible.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> THIS CHAPTER,,,,,,, *cries*
> 
> not the come out... yet
> 
> this chapter is a lil bit heavy:( aND ITS THE BIGGEST ONE BY NOW I THINK???? i got excited sorryyyy
> 
> it have some wholesome to clean the soul, but...
> 
> TW: verbal harassment, blood
> 
> i put a warning before it so you guys can skip the scene, kay?? stay safe!!!
> 
> good reading!

“Good class. I’ll arrive a little later, you guys can ask for a delivery, maybe pizza. But eat, please.”, Philip said as he was giving kisses in everyone’s forehead. He was hurried, barely finishing properly his breakfast. 

Subsquentely, he left, going to his work.

School. 

It’s not the best thing, everyone can agree. Thomas always thought like this, and that will never change. However, he can’t lie: having friends makes everything better and easy to hold on. 

Monday - after exchanging numbers with Tubbo -, they stayed together all day. Wholly separating when they had to go to different classes. The older boy presented him River, or how he likes to be called,  _ Ranboo _ . 

And obviously, he’s so fucking tall.

It’s funny how, suddenly, everyone is taller than him - excepting Tubbo and Phil. But Ranboo? He’s older than Tommy in months, however, he’s already the same height of his  _ brother _ , Wilbur.

And shit, this bitch is still growing.

Didn’t take it too long for them to become an inseparable group. Always together, eating, talking, accomplishing everything they can with each other.

The comical thing it’s to wander around the corridors, side by side. Ranboo, Tommy and Tubbo, looking like a stair in this order. When Tubbo is between them, sometimes they forget he’s there for being so tiny. 

His best memories of this friendship until now it’s when they were in PE. It contained a big mirror on the bathroom, and they decided to stand in front of it to see the difference.

Thomas never laughed so hysterically in his life. The group even took some photos, and just to look at it you can feel genuine happiness, since no one couldn’t stop laughing.

Their friendship it’s consisted of bullying and talking stupid things. The problem boy never liked to admit things like these, but he likes Ranboo and he never been so happy in school - in life, resuming.

It’s cool to break into Wilbur’s bedroom just to play Minecraft with his friends. They have a world together, playing almost every day, even if it’s just for an hour. He never thought life would be so good. How things are worthier when he has someone to care and be mutual. To call when he can’t sleep so they can just talk and mess around.

Now, two weeks have passed.

When Philip left the house, they finished their breakfast minutes later. Normally they go to school with a bus, the three of them always sitting together. Today, Wilbur was a little bit tired than normal, since yesterday he was studying all day for a test.

So, the walk was a little bit silent.

“Shit! I forgot to do history homework!”, the blonde boy remembered while they were waiting for the automobile to come, the other two looking at him. 

“Is there a lot to do?”, the tallest asked, looking at his  _ sister  _ being so nervous as  _ she  _ was retiring  _ her  _ notebook and pencil case to do the fucking-homework.

“History is always a lot! I hate this bitch!”, a whimper. The bus came. With firm steps, Thomas entered, already going to the background, where it has a place for all the Watson’s family.

Calmly, the other two sat by his side, William looking like a zombie of how tired he is. 

Yet, he has helped his  _ sister _ .

He sat closer to  _ her _ , explaining and helping with the answers. For him, it wasn’t that hard. He’s 17, the difference of contents they have is huge. While  _ Eleanor  _ was just starting to learn about French Revolution, he was way more deep thereon. 

It’s a good feeling. Slowly discovering his place in Watson's family. Preventing the thought of his deepest secret not being revealed - and probably never will. It’s superior to find comfort.

The day was normal, at least.

He completed his homework, but obviously the teacher didn’t remember about it. She just started talking and talking, Thomas annotating everything that he thinks it’s important.

All he could think about was the English class, and how much he wanted for time simply start to pass faster. Even if the class is so boring, at least he has his best friend, Tubbo - yes, for him, the boy is already the dearest company he ever asked for. 

He likes observing his friend working. Toby is a little bit slower than him. But oh God, when he understands,  _ this bitch is so good. _ He explains to Tommy like he’s professional, and that makes the blonde boy so  _ proud _ . Every so often he has to recite something for the older. Others Tubbo has to help him interpret and do the activities correctly. 

His friend is so smart.

English class came. When they encountered each other at the door, a beaming smile grew on their faces. They sat, talked, played and laughed while working. Both sitting in the front so the brunette can see and comprehend better what the teacher was writing. 

Until a moment that the whole class went silent, focused on their things. 

The teacher had to leave for some reason, saying he will be back soon. Tommy is almost done with his things, due to being so anxious about everything. He doesn’t check it, reads, write, and goes to the next, usually finishing in 5-10 minutes - most of the times ¼ of the answers are incorrect.

“ _ Elo _ , can you read this for me?”, Toby points at a little box with a different font from the other text, visible how he was struggling to decipher it.

“When using a foreign language that has been unadapted for the English language, try to write it in quotation marks. If the text is typed, leave the term in italics.”, the other mumbles an “oh”, understanding, proceeding to follow the rest. “Why can you read this peacefully but not this?”, it’s a genuine question. He doesn’t know anything about dyslexia other than people with it has difficulty in learning, reading, etceteras.

“Hm… Like, is the font. This font is quite hard to understand.”, he explains, looking at the roof, like if the answers for the question are there. “Minecraft has a really hard font, too. Not ironically, comic sans is the best to read.”

“Really?”, he laughs briefly, the smaller one nodding and laughing too. “Now it makes sense. Didn’t know about that.”

“Comic sans are the best.”

“Noted.”

More slight laughs, right after coming back to their works. 

It’s humorous how things changed inside Thomas’s head.

Knowing new people, new difficulties and problems, it’s causing him to be a little bit more empathetic. Understanding and learning how to be a decent person again. To destroy the rude shell that he likes to maintain. Gradually, the most he loves, most he learns and is loved back.

He can say certainly: definitely doesn’t want to come back to the foster home. If someone said to him that one day he wanted to go back, he wouldn’t believe it.

The thought of  _ “I’ll never find a family” _ , leisurely being replaced by  _ “I have a family.” _ He has a family at home, school, and he’s trying to gather the family inside him. To feel home when he’s by himself, not miserable.

Now he understands when Techno said to him that he owes everything for Phil. 

When Thomas completed his activities, he stretched, Toby noticing it.

“No way you already finished it.”, he says, still reading the book, but on another page.

“Yeah. It’s easy.”, he sighs, tiredness coming in his muscles and mind after the stretch. 

“Can I see it?”

_ Fuck. _

“Sure.”

He presumably will find mistakes. The brunette possesses a good eye to find little attention’s mistakes that his friend makes. Tommy can sight him making some annotations in his notebook, probably pointing out. He sighs.

He’s merely helping, yet, the problem boy just wants to sleep and do nothing more.

“Do with more calm,  _ Elo. _ You understood, but made some mistakes because you hurry up everything.”, like a mom, he says, handing back the object.  _ Eleanor  _ just rolled  _ her  _ eyes, making a pout and starting to do it again. “Don’t do the pout.”

“Shush. You’re torturing me. I have the right.”, that made the older laugh, bobbing his head.

“Just check it when you finish. You have to abandon this habit.”

He’s so lucky to have Tubbo as his friend. Only him to make Thomas check his answers. The taller just mumbles something desultory, although he proceeds to correct it. 

The concentration was deep enough that no one talked again. Both minding their business, the teacher still has not come back. However, isn’t not a big deal, since everyone is relatively quiet, doing their things. 

**_TW: VERBAL HARASSMENT. If you’re not comfortable reading it, please, skip until the next warning! Stay safe!_ **

“Hey,  _ Eleanor _ .”, coming from nowhere, a boy said to him, in front of his desk. He's smiling, Tommy noting that all of his movements have a second intention behind. “I was just wondering... If, y'know, you wanted to sit with me?-”

“No, I'm good, big man.”, he precisely said, right after looking at his activities again, ignoring him with all his heart. 

Silence again. He sighs, relieved that he left. This makes him so sad and dysphoric, since he knows everyone sees him as a girl. That some guys will attempt to flirt with him, thinking he’s a straight girl.

This makes him want to throw up and isolate.

“Well, we could talk, maybe exchange our numbers…”,  _ shit, this bitch wasn’t gone? _

“Yeah, and I said no. Now bye-bye.”, the discomfort is palpable, retracting himself in the chair. Hoping that, some time, he will simply disappear.

He hates to know how hard to be a  _ woman  _ is. To live in a discriminatory society and how vulnerable he is when alone. Thomas despises everything about it, the disgusting feeling walking through his veins.

“Don't need to be hard, baby-”

“ _ She _ said no. No is a no. Please, go away.”, Toby is also acutely uncomfortable - and mad. He's containing himself to be respectful and calm, as always he is. However, this is getting on his nerves.

The boy in front of them rolled his eyes.

“I assure you that it will be more fun if you go with me than... Staying with him.”

_ Oh my God. _

“Pardon me?”, the blonde boy can't believe what he just heard, laughing breathly in disbelief. He looks at the insufferable-boy, the curves of your mouth curved in disgust.

“Please,  _ she  _ already said no. Go away and do your activities before I call someone.”, Toby noticed how his friend wanted so bad to punch the boy. How  _ her  _ fists are squeezing, containing the anger. He doesn't want  _ her  _ to be in trouble for something  _ she  _ did nothing wrong.

“Jeez... Toby, I'm talking with  _ her _ . Please, shut up.”

“Don't talk to him like that or you will have problems, pal.”, now, the tallest between the three stands up, noticing the flinch of fear in the other's eyes. Because, well,  _ he's much taller. _

“Do you guys have a thing?”

“No-”

“Then why are you with him? He's dyslexic, did you know?”

Calmly, he sighs, trying to soothe himself. The eyes already watering up of disgust and frustration. How can people be so obnoxious?  _ How can someone so new fucking harass him? _

“At least I respect the other desires, principally when a  _ woman  _ says no.”

It hurts, but it's also good.

Tommy can't declare anything. If he does, probably some screams and fucked up shit will go out. He's genuinely not in the mood for it. All he desires right now it's to go home and cry.

“Come on... You're  _ beautiful. _ I'm better than him, don't need to pretend.”, he strums the boy’s hand, caressing. _ It’s terrible. Please, stop. _

**_TW: VERBAL HARASSMENT DONE._ **

And with the same hand he punches his face.

It's strong enough to make the boy fall. The nose starts bleeding slightly. He passes the back of his hand on it, looking at the blood, in absolute shock.

“Did you just punch me, _ whore? _ ”, there’s anger in his voice, his nauseous tongue still stating disgusting things, even if he’s bleeding.

Someone gets out of the room, probably going after a teacher to stop the situation. Toby tries to make him sit and calm down.

Tommy is too irate to notice this. All the sounds being muffled. The anger bubbling in the body, going directly to his fists, ready to knock someone up. 

“I think you're asking for one more.”, and another punch. A fight starts, the two starting to punch each other in the ground. The problem boy was dominating it, not having any mercy to do it. He was on top of his body, immobilizing him in the ground.

He doesn't suffer the pain.

He doesn't discern how his fist is hurting and ripping for punching someone. Or how hard his mouth is bleeding.

He doesn't feel the tears falling in frustration.

He doesn't experience anything but disgust.

Two people are necessary to make him get out from the top of the body, which, right after, is equality held by someone. The insufferable-boy is clearly the most affected by it, wounds and blood coming out all over his face. 

However, it’s not enough.

Thomas wants to beat him up more. He wants to get free all of his anger he's been holding for so long. All of the words, all of the mistreats, all of the prejudiced acts. All the misgender the kids and workers did to him, even if he said he is a boy. The fact he’s unable to say to his family he’s transgender, too afraid of not having a home anymore. Or how he was sad when he came back from the house nine, after the adults beating him up for being transgender.

How everyone made him miserable to be himself.

Suddenly, everything is the boy's fault.

And he wants to spank him so much. To make him suffer everything he suffered. 

Heavy puffs are coming out of his mouth, tired. Yet, he wants more, more and more. Until he can’t anymore.

“ _ Eleanor _ , calm down-”

“Calm down?! You saw how he talked to you?! You are also hurt, and I even don't know how!”, he practically screams, the choke in his voice being so notable. He looks at Tubbo, who was with a little scratch bleeding in his cheek.

“You're bleeding from fucking everywhere,  _ Eleanor! _ ”, the older boy screams, holding more tight the body.

He doesn't feel anything.

“Calm down, please.”, Toby is trying not to cry in despair, Thomas detecting how the other’s hands were shaking. "Lets… Let’s clean all your wounds and go home. But, please, you have to calm down. Everything will be alright.”

He’s focused on his best friend, slowly the anger slipping away, just the sadness staying in his heart. He stares at his eyes, perceiving all the fear he’s holding, the concern. The problem boy feels his legs shake briefly.

“I’m ok. You’re ok. Please.”, he hugs him, holding tightly. 

Thomas let it go.

He also grips the smaller body, allowing the calmness to come to his mind, to his normal sense. He sees his hands, seeing all the blood it has, his and from the boy. 

_ I did this? _

His frenzy was so strong that all he could see was his sadness and frustration. At the moment that everything slipped away, the pain, the faces and the sounds started to make sense. 

“I-I’m so sorry…”, Tommy mumbles, crying silently. 

_ Shit. _

**_(...)_ **

Silence.

Utter silence.

Both Tubbo and Tommy were sitting in the secretariat. They were talking with the principal, the other boy, surprisingly, having more consequences than him. While the other was expelled, he just received a suspension of two days. It made him happy, but also, so afraid.

Maybe, right now, it’s the time he’ll go back to the foster home.

The two friends were waiting for Eret to come, since Phil can’t go right now to take Thomas home. 

The taller boy was full of bandages. His lip cut so badly that they had to make points. The hands were grated, looking like the skin was ripped off. There are some bruises around his face, like in his cheek and near his mouth. He didn’t really care.

But Toby does.

“Thank you for… Defend myself. I wanted to punch him too, but I’m not very strong.”, the older started, mumbling. Tommy was just able to comprehend because he was sitting right next to the boy.

“It’s ok. I’m sorry for putting you in trouble too.”

Tubbo also had a suspension, I should mention. He didn’t do anything wrong, but he told the principal like he did. So, like this,  _ Eleanor  _ will not feel alone. If  _ she’s  _ going to be in trouble, he will be too. 

“I wanted to. I’m not really worried.”, he shrugged his shoulders. “I’m sorry you have to go through this.”

He wants so bad to say it.

However, he stays shut.

The problem boy sighed, relaxing his posture. He just wanted to go away from here. He and Tubbo will go to Smith’s house, since no one is home at Watson's house. Maybe it’ll be good, relaxing after a stressful day.

It’s the first time he will go to a friend’s house.

And perhaps the last one, because he feels that, right now, he will go back to hell.

“I’m proud of you. The guy deserved.”

A breathy laugh came out from Tommy’s mouth. Toby laughed too.

“Yeah… He did.”, he plays anxiously with his phalanx, trying to soothe the inner feeling of not knowing what will happen. “Thank you for defending me. It meant a lot.”

“It’s something that all decent people should do,  _ Elo _ .”, the older takes the other’s hand, holding it with fondness. “We will defend together, even if it’s something about one of us.”, he squeezes slightly, afraid of hurting. 

He’s so lucky for having Toby in his life.

Surprisingly, they are still on the start of a friendship. But this event, certainly, made both of them more close. It was hard for both, and they got through it together, like best friends.

They stayed with holding hands, in silence. Words not being necessary to express the platonic love of a strong friendship. The dearest company already describes everything they need to.

When Eret came, everyone stayed in silence on the ride home. They went to Smith's home with a bus, since they don’t have a car. Their hands didn’t separate any time, staying together like glue. Even if it’s sweating, they will not let it go. Some people that don’t know them stare with lovely eyes, thinking “what a cute couple.”

Well, it is. A cute couple of  _ best friends. _

They got home, the older between them not questioning about what happened, feeling the heaviness of the subject on the air. She just says to her brother to take a shower, and after  _ Eleanor  _ will too.

Now it’s just Eret and Thomas, alone, in complete silence. 

“Hungry?”, they said, opening the fridge to get a bottle of water. They leans on the counter, looking at the teen while drinking it.

“I’m ok, thanks.”, a mumble. He was sitting on the table, avoiding eye contact.

“Can I ask you what your pronouns are?”

That made Tommy wide slightly his eyes.

“It’s… He.”, suddenly, his voice shook. Not for wanting to cry, but in surprise. The tallest hummed, understanding. “Are you going to tell Phil?”

“Never.”

_ Oh. _

“I don’t have anything to do with it. It’s your moment and when you’re ready you will do it.”, a small smile is in her face, sipping a bit more from the water before putting in the fridge. “What’s your name?”

_ Oh my God, it’s happening. _

_ “Elea-” _

“No.  **_Your name.”_ **

_ Oh my God, it’s happening. Everyone stay calm. _

“Thomas.”

Eret smiled proudly, nodding with his head in agreement. Tommy looked at him, brilliant eyes in admiration and gratitude. He smiled too. Because in the first time, someone said:

“That’s a beautiful name.”

Instead of saying he is a  _ girl _ . He squeezed his hands together, putting all his feelings on it. He wants to cry, but he cried so much today that he simply can’t. So, instead, he smiles in happiness.

“I use any pronouns. I don’t really care about it.”, they sat at the table with the teen, on his side. “Normally people call me by they or he, if you don’t know which one to use.”

The younger nodded, anxiously in a good way.

“When you’re ready, you can count on me. I know they are going to react well.”, hesitantly, he caresses the other’s back, encouraging the little boy. 

“How do you know?”

“Because they love you,  _ Thomas.” _

_ Oh my God, it’s happening. Everyone stay calm. Everyone, please, stay calm. _

“Here, that’s my number. When you need to talk about it, I’m here.”, she shows him his number, Tommy catching his cellphone on his pocket. The movement was so blunt and shaking that he almost let the electronic fall. With eager hands, he adds him. “I’m really proud of you.”, a small and fond squeeze in his shoulder. They smiled before standing up.

_ Oh my God, it’s happening. Everyone stay calm! STAY FUCKING CALM! _

They proceed to be in silence, just waiting for Tubbo to finish his bath. He didn’t want to take a bath too, but he did it anyway.

All the wounds begin to be cleaned by the hot water. The liquid goes to the drain, taking with it every bad feeling that Thomas maintained in his heart after the event. It’s refreshing, relaxing all his muscles that he didn’t notice how much they were strained. He puts the same clothes as before, but the problem was the blood on it.

It wasn’t really cool to see.

“Elo, psiu.”, Toby called him. He just finished putting on his clothes, sitting on the other’s bed while using his phone. He stared at his friend, seeing that in his hands he was with a shirt. “Put this.”

The older one gave him the cloth. It’s completely black, not having anything on it. Tubbo turns around, putting his hands on his face, being unable to see a thing. 

“Tell me when you’re done.”, it’s the only thing he said, maintaining the same position. Tommy waited some seconds, seeing if he would try to spy. However, he didn’t. He stayed like a statue, respecting the other’s space and intimacy. 

_ Oh God, he’s so lucky. _

He puts the shirt quickly, folding the dirty cloth. 

“Done.”

He turns around, smiling when he sees that his friend actually put the shirt. 

“It looks good on you! Do you want to play Minecraft? Eret has a laptop that you can use.”

_ So, so lucky. _

“Yeah.”

**_(...)_ **

  
  


At 7 PM Phil takes Thomas to home. 

He’s sitting on the front seat with him. The ride was also being silent, the teen too embarrassed to say a word. Once in a while Philip stares at him, shocked with all the wounds that he has. When he received the call from the school, he thought the fight wasn’t that bad.  _ But shit, it was really bad. _

“Can you tell me what happened?”

“Are you-”

“What did we talk about? You know that even if you did something wrong, I’ll not send you back.”, it’s not rude, just calm. The younger sighed, agreeing with his head. Even if they did talk about it, he still thinks they will send him back. “So, what happened?”

“He harassed me and said some mean things about Tubbo when he tried defending me.”, he simply said, looking at the window. He feels disgusted when talking about it - and also ashamed. 

“Oh, shit, what?”

_ So lucky. _

Instead of blaming on him, he was also in disbelief. Tommy was really surprised by human decency. 

“Yeah, he… He wanted me to sit with him, exchange numbers and… Don’t know much more. But, he didn’t go away even though Tubbo and I said to him stop.”

“I’m so sorry about it, Ellie.”, when they stopped in a semaphore, Philip gave the teen a little caress in his hair, making him stare. “I’m not mad, I just wanted to know the reason.”, the older one smiled, wanting to make sure to his  _ daughter  _ that  _ she  _ was ok. 

Thomas is just able to nod, in shock and nervousness. 

“I don’t think that normally aggression is the answer. But, in this situation, I totally agree with you. If some guy harasses you, don’t hesitate to spank him.”, Tommy can’t contain the small laugh, feeling a little bit better and relieved. Oh God, it doesn't matter how many times he notices it, but every time it’s news. Because he’s so lucky. “But, please, next time, try to call a teacher, ok? I don’t want my  _ little girl _ to be hurt and in trouble.”

It’s unpossible to avoid the memory of today, from Eret saying to him that  _ they love him. _ He repeats inside his head what Philip just said, noticing… The love. That, even if he was suspended and all hurt, he wasn’t mad. He understood him and advised.

Because that’s what a dad does.

“Understood?”

“Yep.”

“Okay, then. I think the boys asked for pizza. Maybe we could watch a movie, shall we?”

“I think it’s a good idea.”

They got home. The smell of pizza directly going to their noses, making their stomachs plead for it. When he got through the door and his brothers saw him, straight away they started to ask what happened.

Like they were ready to beat up someone. And not disappointed.

He doesn’t talk about it, because it makes him want to throw up. Instead, Thomas hugs briefly both, starting to walk to the couch with them and ask about the pizza. The other two didn’t force anything, forgetting the subject and sitting on the couch to watch a movie.

One of the cats sits on Tommy’s lap. It’s the one that still doesn’t have a name, the family calling it by “Kitty.” He caresses it, hearing it purring. 

“Do you know a name for her?”, Wilbur spoke, on his side, a blanket above the three sons.

“I- Yeah…”, he smiles, looking at the little cat ready to sleep on the comfort of his lap. 

“Then, what is it?”

“ _ Joel… _ Short name for  _ Joelina _ .”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> PLEASE SOMEONE GOT THE REFERENCE?


	7. Un-Break my heart.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's funny to think that his friends see him as a lesbian girl. He can't help but feel a little bit sad about it. However, a party with Wilbur showed him how valid he is.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this chapter is a little messy, im so sorry:(
> 
> im a little bit sad now, but i wanted to finish it because the late is biiigg, sorryyy
> 
> just finished it and im little bit tired and sad - i was really happy while writing but something happened and made my humor go down arghhh
> 
> the end is a little hurry because i just wanted to finish it and im so sorry for it, i planned more things to it but i prefered to write in the next chapter
> 
> its full wholesome and fluffy, hope you guys like it:)

“Are you guys coming with me, right?”, Toby asked his three best friends, which were ready to head out the school. 

“I mean, yeah. Or do you change your mind?”, the tallest one between the trio spoke, unleashing his bike - a ginormous one, due to his height.

“Obviously not. Just wanted to check.”, he smiled.

4 months have passed since Thomas started living with the Watson’s.

Nothing changed too much. He’s been closer to his family, allowing them help him with his homeworks, school projects or simply when he was having anxious thoughts. No one judged or laughed at him, and probably never will. Even when - due to wanting to finish everything fast as possible - he mistakes in signal rules. Or when he thought out of nowhere that they would dispatch him back.

Leisurely, mean words began to move from something everyday to rarely. 

He’s healing.

On the bike rump of Tubbo, Tommy sits, since he doesn’t have a bike like the other two. They are not going fast, no one in hurry. The trio talks, commenting about exams, projects or grades. 

Some students from their school walk to their homes too. He stares at a person who captivated his attention. It’s funny how suddenly these kinds of things are happening. Maybe it’s the fact he’s a teenager.

It’s normal to feel attracted, even tho the person has the same biologic sex than him. 

The blonde boy stares at the girl. She has long and brunette hair, straight, like his. She’s not tall and a little bit chubby. The girl is talking with her friend, smiling, and shit, it’s a really charming smile.

_ “Elo, _ soon you will start drooling if you don’t close your mouth.”, the older of his friends stated, laughing briefly. However,  _ Eleanor  _ blushes violently, closing  _ her  _ mouth and avoiding looking at the girl again. 

“Do you like Nataly?”, now Ranboo spoke, he’s smiling, and none of them said something sexual or homophobic. Just… Thinking it’s funny how their friend reacted.

“No, I-”

“It’s ok if, you know, like women. Welcome to the club, buddy.”

The younger one sighed. 

“I just think she’s cute…”, he mumbles, his cheeks still in a red tint. 

“Ownt, you two would be a really cute couple.”, River smiled at him, looking at Nataly and after to his friend on the other bike.

“Shut up…”, now he’s laughing, scratching the back of his head in a timid craze. 

_ I can’t believe my friends think that I’m a lesbian. _

The subject died when Tubbo glimpsed a bee flying near him, exclaiming how he loves and how cute they are. Nobody acted different, disgusted, merely let the fact that  _ Eleanor  _ has a crush on Nataly to be pushed away. Like it’s nothing. Because it’s genuinely nothing. 

Thomas wants to ask if they are okay with it. If they are going to tell Phil, or tell the girl about it. He trusts his friends, but suddenly - better:  _ like always  _ -, he feels everyone is against him. For no reason. The boy just knows, like he can read their minds, or know the future with the back of his hand. 

“Are you guys angry?”, out of nowhere he said, the two olden boys were talking about something that he wasn’t paying attention to. Their voices were muffled by his thoughts.

“What do you mean?”, Toby asked, looking at the other in the corner of his eye. 

“About Nataly?”

“Yeah.”

“No…?”, the smaller and older one maintained a confused tone. Like his friend asked if the earth is flat or not. 

“There’s no reason for it,  _ Laney.  _ It’s not like you will change or our friendship.”, the tallest is better in words than the other two, so Tubbo just hums in agreement, nodding his head. “You still is our gremlin friend, doesn’t matter if you’re  _ lesbian, _ pan, bi… Don’t know.”

“Well said, Boo!”,

Tommy wanted to be happy.

He heartily wishes. 

To genuinely smile at them and say with pride in the heart that  _ Eleanor is a lesbian.  _

However, who is  _ Eleanor? _ Because his name is Thomas. He’s a boy, a straight one. But, here he is, staying shut about the subject, nothing but accepting that his friends see him as a  _ girl. _ As a  _ lesbian girl _ who has a crush on Nataly.

Furthermore, finally, they arrived at Tubbo's house. They put their bikes on the courtyard, and instead of entering his own, Toby straight walked to the neighboring house. 

“Tubbo? Your house it’s here.”, the blonde said, the tallest ones having a confused countenance. 

“Eret isn’t home, he’s working. We have to stay with Niki and her mother.”

“Shit! Niki is your neighbour?”, they followed the small boy. 

“She’s my cousin. We always lived side by side or at least on the same road.”, understanding noises came at his back. He knocked on the door, not taking long to be opened. 

“Tubbo! Welcome!”, it’s the same girl that commented about Wilbur’s playlist. She’s smiling, the trio all being taller than her - the older one almost being at the same height. “Hello, guys! Come, I was baking some cookies.”, she gave space to them to enter the residence. It’s not big, like the one by its side. 

It doesn’t have two floors like his. It’s cozy, equally having cats in the house. It’s a ideal place for two people. 

“Ooh! Can we help?”, Toby put his backpack near the entrance, after retiring his shoes. The other two made the same, just following what his friend is doing. 

“Help to explode the kitchen do you mean, big man?”, they laughed with what he said, Tommy just smiling a bit. 

Surprisingly, they didn’t explode the kitchen. The cookies were actually pretty good, the trio joking around and making Niki laugh like crazy. Her mom wasn’t at home, so they stayed with the older woman until Eret came home.

“Do you want to sleep here too,  _ Elo?” _ , Toby asked when they were going back to his home, putting their bikes at a more secure place.

“Sorry, other day, big man. I already made plans with Wilbur.”, both made sad noises, but didn’t force him and understand. 

“It’s ok. Send a message when you arrive home, kay?”, he nodded.

The three hugged, saying byes and see you tomorrow. Even if he really wanted to sleep for the first time at a friend’s house, his plan with his brother was more important. Today, Philip and Techno travelled to another city, where, apparently, the boy was fostered. 

It seems like the workers messed up some papers and a family wanted to adopt him. 

Due to that, they will arrive home late. Wilbur and Tommy planned to make a party, just the two of them. He can’t lie: he was excited about it.

So, his steps were fast, almost running to go soon to the bus and finally home. He waits for the automobile and, inside, he sends a message to his company for tonight.

**gremlin:** bus

coming home

**lanky emo child:** finally

take care, or you will not have chocolate

**gremlin:** stfu

now im hungry

**lanky emo child:** lol poor you better be fast before i eat everything

**gremlin:** WILBUR I SWEAR TO GOD

**lanky emo child:** hmmm so good 

**gremlin:** i hate you

  
  


He rolled his eyes, shoving his cellphone to his pocket. 

It didn’t take too long - thank God. It’s like the universe is helping him to have at least a bite to the chocolate. Tommy runs like he’s late to receive his money from the lottery, and tries not to laugh for how stupid this whole situation is. He was so fast that almost passed his house, bursting in the door with all his strength.

“WILBUR, I WANT CHOCOLATE.”, it’s the first thing he says as he enters the house.  _ The pussies  _ started sniffing him and his things, throwing everything on the ground in a hurry he never thought he would have solely for a chocolate.

“Sorry,  _ Ellie, _ I ate everything.”, he was lying on the couch, his voice cracking with the laughter. 

“No fucking way!”

When he approximates, he can grasp the whole bar, intact.

William laughs out loud.

“Why you did such torture?”, he pulls away the long legs of his brother, making space for him to the couch. The other also sits, still laughing. 

“Poor baby, are you going to cry? Make a pout?”, the tallest ripped off the paper, exposing the delicious chocolate. He breaks a part of it, giving to his  _ sister. _

“I hate you so much.”, Wilbur just laughs at it, eating chocolate too.

They sat in silence, just eating chocolate. Their fingers started getting dirty with the chocolate, since he started to melt a little. The house was in pure silence, something exceptionally rare in this family. The cats found a place to rest, every one of them sleeping peacefully. It’s cool and refreshing after a stressful day in school.

“What do you have planned for today, big man?”, Tommy said when they devoured the candy, licking the rest of it off his fingers. His brother looked disgusted at him, going to the kitchen to clean his hands.

“It’s a party, so obviously need music.”, he smiles when back, catching his phone and typing something on it.

“Please, if you put em-”

“Don’t finish or I will kill you.”, automatically, he stopped talking. Then, music starts playing. It’s familiar, the instrumental being really strange but somehow good.

Wilbur holds the electronic as it’s a microphone.

“Baby, can’t you see I’m calling?”, he sings in a funny way, trying to be sexy. Just with the voice in the original song, Thomas actually recognizes which is, making him laugh loudly. “ A guy like you should wear a warning… It’s dangerous, I’m falling!”

“Please. I beg you: no.”

Still gripping his phone as a microphone, he pulls  _ Eleanor, _ making  _ her  _ stand up.  _ She  _ laughs more, not letting go of  _ her  _ hand.

“There’s no escape, I can’t wait… You!”, he puts the microphone near to  _ her  _ lips, demanding  _ her  _ to sing.

“No.”

_ “Eleanor! _ Please”

It’s so ridiculous. 

Thus far, when the bridge comes, both starting to sing, a big smile in both their faces. If, right now, Techno and Phil arrived home and saw this, he would never leave his room again. He doesn’t know how easily Wilbur made him sing fucking-Britney Spears; but here he is.

Will, maintaining their hands together, starts to agitate  _ Ellie’s _ body by it, like he’s forcing  _ her  _ to move and dance with him. The tallest was nearly jumping while singing, like he is in Britney’s show, or making his own show. It’s feral, the  _ girl  _ being unable to sing something coherent by how much  _ she  _ was laughing.

  
  
  


“OH MY GOD, I love this woman.”, he screamed at the final part of the song, the other just being able to laugh and laugh. “I know another one, wait.”

“Enough, or I’ll die.”, Tommy breathes loudly, recovering from all the laughter. Being with Wilbur makes him wake up a side that it’s just completely feral, acting like crazy. It’s like the Devil in his brother’s body comes to his too, the two little demons messing around.

“I think you will die, then.”

Other song. It sounds a little bit sadder than the other, a woman humming unconnected noises. Tommy doesn’t identify it at first, since he’s not really a person that likes to listen to music - or allocate time for it.

“Do you know this one?”, his brother smiles widely, the woman’s voice singing something so sad. 

“I don’t know?”

“Wait, then. Maybe you will recognize it by the chorus.”

He did.

When the woman sang  _ “Un-break my heart, say you’ll love me again” _ , he opened his mouth, surprised. It’s a song that he doesn’t distinguish how he knows, or when listened to it. Yet, the two brothers, with all their chests, have sung it, acting like they were in a romantic movie.

It’s so, so ridiculous.

They spent so much time just singing songs like that. Madonna, Céline Dion, Whitney Houston, Toni Braxton, Britney Spears… All of them.

How good it’s to perceive her happiness barely looking at her eyes. Smiling, enabling her inner child out, remembering songs that were hidden in the back of the head. Something that probably no relatives that fostered Eleanor made her feel. To feel welcomed, to sing and act her true self.

He knows how fucked up the system can be sometimes. How some kids are so lucky and others being fucked up everyday, suffering at bad people’s hands. It’s easy to note looking at Phil’s sons, him looking specifically for the ones who suffered the most to heal, accept and love. 

When he noticed it, he thought that this family would not last much. That maybe they would bring home a kid like in the movie  _ Orphan, _ or-

“I’m trans.”

_ Wait. _

“What ?”

Literally out of nowhere.

Thomas didn’t know how he came to this situation. Maybe it was the overwhelming platonic love he could feel from his brother. Or how his friends see him as a girl, and he really wants a confirmation of  _ what  _ he is. Perhaps, the fact that if Wilbur really loves him, he’ll accept, like Eret said. 

The words slippered away from his mouth.

He couldn’t control it. When he perceived, Wilbur was pausing the music, looking at him disoriented. Nobody was expecting this. If he wasn’t so goddamn nervous right now, he would laugh at the tallest face. 

“Forget it, I-”, his voice started to shake, letting go of another's hand, feeling his own shaking. Tommy takes some steps behind, afraid of the whole situation. I already said how much he hates not having control of things? Since, now, he doesn’t have any control of it. He doesn’t have an idea of what will happen.

“No,  _ Ell- _ I mean- Please-”, William tries to grasp delicately his hand, Thomas pushing away in utter fear. “I’m not going to harm you, I… I just want to talk. I-I wasn’t expecting it.”

He was also so nervous and stuttering. He still knows the person in front of him, but he also doesn’t. Because it’s a whole new identity, something he didn’t let out - it’s understandable, he isn’t blaming. What pronouns I use? What is your name? What this means?

A complete rumpus was inside his head. His neurons burning, trying to comprehend everything. Wilbur knows certainly: he will still accept and love his sist-  _ brother? _

“Please, sit with me. I-It’s ok.”, the older offers his hand, showing the teen that he’s worth trusting. It took some time, but, hesitantly, he took his hand, accompanying to the couch.

Both sat. Thomas was building walls around him, shrinking to one specific place, wishing to disappear. He can feel the other’s look, thinking closely, staring at someone he was misgendering this whole time. Someone so close to him, at the point he considers it as a sibling - and he will still.

“I’m sorry, I just… It caught me off guard. It’s a little bit hard to process it while listening to Britney Spears.”, he laughs nervously, looking at the ground, seeking the correct words for the moment. It’s delicate - so delicate. Obviously he doesn’t know how the other truely feels, because he’s a cis man. But he’s trying his best to comprehend and show him that it’s ok. 

However, the blonde boy doesn’t know anything about it. He doesn’t know what Wilbur is thinking, if he truly accepts and doesn’t care. Or it’s just saying for him to stay here and listen to all the mean words. Or to, maybe, say he accepts but not inside his house, in his family. 

He wants to cry. He’s so stupid.

William wants to say all the clichés. Or say something so unique and inspirational. To say he accepts it - even if accepting it’s a completely ridiculous word to this situation. He’s aware that he isn’t in the place to accept the existence or not of someone. That, if the teen sitting by his side it’s not accepted by him, he will not simply disappear. 

Although he wants to say it. Because that sounds the right thing to do. It’s a cliché, and everyone says it for some reason. 

“I-I’m not angry at you or something like that. But… I never expected this. I need some time to understand and get used to it. But I can say to you that it’s totally ok.”, he sighs heavily, squeezing his hands together. He never thought how hard it’s to say to your sibling that… That it’s ok being trans. Because the teen is still a person - and always will be. “I really want to say that I accept you, but I think it’s not right… I’m not in the position to accept or not your existence. You know what you are, or how you identify, and… My unique position is to simply respect, no matter what.”

Wilbur bites his lip. His head starts to hurt from thinking too much, like it’s literally burning his neurons. He stares at the teen, perceiving that  _ they  _ wasn’t staring at him, still looking at their foot. 

“But-But if it makes you more happy and relieved, I-I accept you. You’re still my little si- my little gremlin child. Nothing will change.”, now he wants to cry. He’s so nervous, not having an idea if he’s saying something useful or helpful. “I’m tremendously glad that you told me.”

His voice breaks and shakes by a smile. And the urge for crying, also. It’s a very intimate moment, delicate, principally for the other. How much courage he had in his heart to say it to him. William is so proud. So, so proud.

“Am I in trouble? Are you guys sending me back?”, Thomas’s voice sounds utterly desperate, containing the sadness that wants to be spilled out by his eyes. He stares at his brother, seeing the pride in his eyes directed uniquely to him. Yet, still, he thinks something is wrong. Human decency scares him.

“No, no… You’re alright, we are your family and… Shit, we love you. I love you, ok?”, hesitant, he hugs the body, fearing that  _ they  _ would be scared by the contact. However, instead of it, he reciprocates, gripping the other’s cloth. 

_ It’s the first time someone said to him that they love him  _ **_\- and it’s genuine._ **

How the fuck a party occasioned to Thomas crying on Wilbur’s shoulder? It’s something that it’s funny to say without the context. That at one moment they were singing out loud 1990-2000’s songs, and the other they were having a delicate moment. A situation that just expressed how much they have love in their hearts. How much they trust and rely on each other.

How important is it to find a home, to find your place.

“Don’t cry, please… Or I’ll cry.”, he caresses the other’s back, feeling his shirt being soaked up by the waterfalls coming out of their eyes. Even if he’s trying his best to not cry, when he hears the teen sobbing loudly, the tears fall down.

William imagines how long he’s been holding. He really doesn’t know how… How painful can be. He’s privileged to be born “correctly”, and not being in any minorities. All he can do it’s be a decent human and feel empathy. To love more and “accept” more. 

And they cry together. The older is silent, just caressing, hugging, while Tommy let’s out everything he’s been holding. Of how much he thought about this moment and how it would be. Making up in his head everything that could happen. If they are going to be ok with it. If for the first time he would feel validated. 

That people will remind him that he’s a boy, and just him knows how truly it is. 

For so long he’s been pleading for any confirmation. Here it is. The confirmation he needed, the proof that it’s okay and he’s still a person with feelings. 

“Ok, ok…”, the tallest separates, wiping out the tears in his own face. He looks at the teen in front of him, sniffling incessantly, face puffed and eyes all red, almost making a pout. He opens a little smile, thinking how funny and cute their face is right now. “Can you tell me… About it?”

Tommy breathes heavily.

“Boy”, it’s the only thing he’s able to say. Wilbur nods, smiling and encouraging to say more. The blonde boy breathes one more time, trying to calm himself and not start to cry again - he really wants to. 

“Ok… And do you have a name?”, he’s so endearing, being so attentive and wanting to hear about it. Soft voice, sniffling sometimes due to the cry.

“T-Thomas.”, his voice cracked, making a little pout and holding with all his strength the cry. It’s the second time he says his name for someone, and now it’s to his brother. Will nods again, squeezing softly his shoulder. 

“That’s a beautiful name, El-, Toms. Can I call you like that?”, he notices the struggle of suddenly changing something that he was so used to it. He doesn’t blame him, because it’s obvious the older is trying his best and being fully supportive. “Am I the first one to know about it?”

Thomas was so sensitive, probably starting to cry easily just opening his mouth. Because of that, he just bobs his head, as an answer Wilbur makes a pout.

“I’m jealous right now.”, he jokes, right after smiling a bit. With fondness, the older caress his hair, pulling back to his ear to have a better look in his face. “I’m really proud of you, kay? My heart will always accept new brothers.”

Tommy laughs briefly.

_ Brother. _

“Let’s, oh my God, this crying left me with a headache.”, they laugh low, wiping out the wetness in his face again. “What do you think about watching a movie to ease the heart?”, he stands up, the nose still a little bit red and the face puffed. 

“Sounds… Sounds good, yeah.”

Then, a movie.

Blankets and more candies to go along the self-made cinema. The lights completely off, the chosen movie being “Dead Poets Society”, since the younger never saw it. It’s Wilbur’s favorite, he loves with all his heart and has watched so many times. Obviously crying in all of them.

Unfortunately, the cry made the two brothers so tired that they couldn’t finish it. Thomas relies his head on his brother’s shoulder, sleeping peacefully. Feeling happy, loved, validated.

And feeling like  _ him. _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> LETS GO TOMMY WE ARE SO PROUD OF YOU


	8. Take on the world.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Summer Vacations. Probably everyone's favorite time. The Watsons go to the beach, letting Thomas feel like a teenager again. To heal, be happy and closer to his family.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> OH MY GOD I LITERALLY SCREAMED WHEN I FINISHED THIS
> 
> SORRY FOR THE LATE 7 FUCKING K WORDS OH MY GOD
> 
> ALSO THANK YOU FOR ALL THE KUDOS AND COMMENTS AND BOOKMARKS AND HITS AND- OH MY GOD REALLY THANK YOU
> 
> i really hope you guys like it, the next one is... UUUUHHHHHH IM SO EXCITED
> 
> CW: mention of rape, suicide and abortion, stay safe!
> 
> good reading :D

Tommy noticed that the best choice he made in his life was telling his brother.

In the first days, he barely minded what he was doing. When he did, his heart warmed up in an unutterable way. At the lunches and dinners, Wilbur sometimes comments something about the transgender community. About movements, merches, or famous people that came out as transgender.

_ “Did you guys see about the actor of Seven?” _

_ “From Umbrella Academy?” _

_ “Yeah.” _

_ “What about it?” _

_ “He came out as transgender. Elliot Page.” _

_ “That’s so cool! I’m happy for him.” _

He was doing this just to the little boy perceive how his family doesn’t care about it. That they think the same as him and will always love him, no matter what he identifies as. Phil always stated heartwarming things about it, different from Techno, who just says “that’s cool” - he’s not good with words, but he’s happy.

Thomas’s eyes sparkle when he hears all the positive things. Slowly, the courage starts coming to his heart. Thinking about the scenarios, words, reactions and how easy his life would be. Lamentably, Will can’t call him by his name in front of the others - the younger said to him don’t do it. 

Yet, when both are alone, he calls by it. Or when they are talking through messages. Sometimes Wilbur’s brain completely confuses. He uses his name and call by the feminine pronouns, or the opposite. 

Instead of being mad or sad, the teen just laughs, thinking it’s entertaining. 

Then, five months. He’s been living in the same house for five months, and it’s the best months of his life. Tommy ponders what the caretaker is thinking about him not coming back in one or two months. Probably thinking what kind of brainwash he did to the family. 

It’s comical to believe that, before he came out as transgender to the foster home, everyone was cool with him. Still wasn’t the best place, but definitely was way better than right now. The caretaker was more attentive, not saying mean words. 

However, after he exposed to the world his true self, she started saying he has personality problems. Bipolarity, being more exact. Or even saying he is  _ schizophrenic.  _ That it’s a “special case”, and “we never saw someone like  _ her.” _

It’s disgusting.

But here? Everyone acts like it’s nothing. His friends said to him that loving is ok. His brother said that he’s still a person with emotions. He sees sapphic and aquillians couples wandering around the school, and nobody says anything about it. Merely being supportive or saying how cute they are.

As if it had nothing to do with their lives.

Thomas sends to his friends memes about loving women. They named their group “women-lovers”, making jokes that they hate men and women are the best. It’s the funniest thing, all laughing their lungs off. 

He also sends to Wilbur FTM or transgender in general memes. They laugh and create inner jokes, no one being capable of understanding. For example, he sent one time about coffee making breasts decrease. 

_ “Phil, can you make 3 liters of coffee for me?” _

_ “What?” _

Laughs from Wilbur.

Or the fact that, everytime Britney Spears plays, something serious will happen. A conversation, accident, fight… When they perceive it, they start laughing and saying “oh no, not again.”

He told Techno that he has a crush on a girl, and he simply said “I love lesbians, I would give my life to them.”

_ It’s so strange. _

Summer Vacations. Probably the favorite period of all kids. Without school, playing outside with friends, pools, beach, travelling… Or just staying at home, sleeping.

It’s not much different for Watson’s family. 

Waking up at 12 PM, lunch already ready, passing the day doing nothing. It’s not divergent from the current saturday. Thomas just woke up, barely being able to open his eyes due to the sleepness. His hair was way more long than the first day in the house, and it was a complete mess.

He really wants to cut it.

“Good morning,  _ Ellie.” _ , the oldest in the house said, smiling. He’s putting all the pots and pans full of food at the table, the other two looking at it with hunger.

“Hmm…”, he sits. The sleep is so much that he’s even too lazy to open his mouth. His brothers talk to each other, tones low and also lazy, probably woke up recently like him.

Philip also seats, all starting to serve themselves, not taking too long for Thomas and Wilbur to start bickering. Just because both want the same rice ball. At the end, Techno punched both and put the entire ball in his mouth, not giving a chance for them.

“So…”, the older started after the bickering was finished, his children looking at him. “What do you guys think about going to the beach?”

_ Terrible. _

“Oh my God, we haven’t been for years.”, William smiled in excitement, the mouth a little bit filled with food while talking. “I think it’s a great idea.”

“I mean… It’s actually pretty good if I don't fry.”, the older sibling now talked. Due to his albinism, his skin needs way more sunscreens, protection, etceteras. Or his chances of having skin cancer are way higher. 

“What about you,  _ Ellie?” _

_ She  _ shrugged her shoulders, eating.

“Never being there, big man. Don’t have an opinion.”

He has, and he hates. The thought of looking at all the bodies, the ones he wishes so much to have. Or everyone looking at him and seeing as a girl. Or the simple fact that he has to wear a bikini or swimsuit. 

The fact that he and the world has to see his body.

Although he didn’t say anything about it, Wilbur didn’t notice how suddenly he feels dysphoric. Probably because their lives are different, and he doesn’t experience this. It would be so much easier if he had been  _ born correctly.  _ He thinks about how much he would have fun playing with his brothers. Making sand castles, splashing water in each other or drowning.

_ What a motherfucker life you gave me, God. _

“Can Ranboo and Tubbo come too?”, maybe having them will be more bearable.

“If their responsible agree, then yes.”, he makes a little movement in victory, smiling a bit. Maybe he’s clingy? Just maybe.

“And what about your girlfriend? Are you not bringing her with us?”, William spoke, looking with a malicious look at his father, who just laughs shyly and blushes. 

“Shut up… She’s not my girlfriend.”, Philip is smiling, probably thinking at the woman he likes, almost freaking out at people referring to her as his girlfriend. His sons laugh briefly, but Tommy stays in pure confusion.

“Who is the woman?”, he takes a sip of his coke.

“Kristin, our mom.”, again, the middle child provokes, his dad pinching him weakly.

“It’s a woman I met. We’ve been meeting and having dates.”, for the first time, Tommy saw Phil blushing and shy about something. His smile is timid, voice a little low and in an affectionate tone. 

“Oh…”, the youngest nods, one more sip. “Ok then, wife-haver.”

Laughs.

“Have you ever asked her to be your girlfriend?”, again, William is making questions about it, thinking it’s funny how his progenitor turns red and smiles widely. It’s worthy to see him so happy, in love.

“Will… Why are you doing this to me?”, this time, Tommy laughs too with the others. 

“Dad, it’s about time, isn’t it? You guys have been talking and dating for two months.”, now Techno starts to provoke too, smiling. 

“He is from ancient times, things work differently for him. Leave him, big men.”, more laughs, now Phil also pinching the blonde boy jokingly. 

Philip never was in a relationship, or at least that the two older boys recall. 

It’s possible he went on dates, but never in something so deep like this. He spent his life healing and taking care of his children, wanting to dedicate them the best life. To the point that he forgot about himself. About having lonely times or falling in love. 

As a result, watching his cheeks adopt a red tint while he talks about the feeling of gradually falling in love, is incredible. Besides the provocations and jokes, they’re so content for him - also excited to meet Kristin.

Thomas also feels delighted, even though he doesn’t want to admit it.

“Coming back to the beach… We can go tomorrow. I will call Ranboo’s and Tubbo’s responsible, ok?”, a big smile from the youngest in the house, nodding. “So make your bags and be sure that you are taking everything needed.”

It’s not the  splendidest  thing he could ask, however at least he has his friends and family. 

**_(...)_ **

Next day.

Thomas was more nervous to go to the beach than having an exam in a couple of hours. 

He’s sleeping with Joel, hugging the little cat. Phil always liked to take photos of both, saying to the world that the  _ “Ellie and Joel” _ pair are the cutest one in the world. It’s peaceful, pure silence, the wind caressing his face painstakingly, the sun rising up more and more, on its pace.

Unfortunately, a light shake obligated him to open his eyes, perceiving Wilbur, who was crouching in front of the bed. Their eyes meet right away, the shaking stopping.

“Hey.”, the older’s voice is soft, smiling a bit. The teen scratched his eyes, pushing away the sleep that demanded him to close his eyelids.

“Hm… Hi.”, it’s hoarse and lazy, starting to caress the fur of the animal in his arms, hearing it purr softly and move a little to get more cuddles.

“We are going to the beach.”

He forgot about it when he woke up.

Tommy growls, closing his eyes and covering yourself up to the head with the blanket. Will frowns, confused. He thought that the teen wanted to go to the place, but watching his reaction, seems like the opposite.

“I thought you wanted to go.”, instead of crouching, he sits on the ground, something that didn’t change at all, since he’s tall as fuck.

“You don’t understand.”, he mumbles, turning around with the cat like it’s a plushie. Joel was startled a little bit at first, but went back to sleep.

Even though Wilbur and Thomas bind by a really enduring bond, it’s common to the younger still erect walls around his heart. He knows so much of the blonde boy, also nothing. He doesn’t know about the other houses, his favorite song, food, or his hobbies. However, he knows he’s transgender - and probably it’s his biggest secret.

“Explain to me so I understand, Toms.”, he leans his chin on the padded, passing his fingers through his hair, untangling it a little.

The younger stares at the wall in front of him, still caressing the fur. He doesn’t know why he still needs to be so closed to his family. Maybe because his treacherous mind keeps saying this is just a theater, they want to make fun of his face, to know all his secrets and after kicking his ass out the door. 

Silent, pondering if the proper choice is to tell the taller behind him. It’s not a big deal. You imagine feeling like this when you’re a pre-transitioning transgender male, or better, when you don’t even come out to your family yet. Wilbur doesn’t understand it. He never felt dysphoric or not in the right place, in the right body. 

Maybe he will judge him.

“Toms?”

“Yeah, yeah, uhh…”, he gulps dryly, squeezing his hand shut. Joelina stretches its body, getting up and sniffing his face a little, just to lick it and walk to the top of the body, leaving the bed.

_ Joel you little pussy, don’t leave me alone right now. _

“I’m not going to judge you. I just want to understand and help. But if you don’t want to talk about it, it's totally ok.”, a soft squeeze in his shoulder, trying to show to the suspicious boy that he can tell everything to Wilbur, that he will find comfort on him.

“It’s just… It’s stupid.”, a sigh, shrugging. 

“Doesn’t sounds stupid to me.”

Shit.

“Can you look at me?”

_ Shit. _

Sometimes avoiding eye contact - or contact in general - is the best choice. It’s not a joke when all the poetry says that the eyes are an open door to the soul. He doesn’t want to be seen, just melt like the rain, walking through the dirt and watering the roots of nature. Disappearing when the clouds go away and furnish space to the sun.

Dealing with emotions, dealing with people and himself, is so hard. The boy doesn’t distinguish how he feels sometimes, if he’s able to trust, or simply hates Watson's, deep down in his heart. Because he wants to be alone, even though he’s starting to love more and more the people that live with him. He wants to be mad for them not having a crystal ball and knowing he’s a boy. 

He’s furious at God. At his religion and the superior entity. Thomas blames everyone and everything. He’s mad he was born like this.

_ Like a girl. _

And what would William do when he saw all this anger? The unreasonable anger at all the people that caused nothing to him? The ones that precisely showed love, sheltered in their arms and he is still wanting to hit and be irritated? 

The teen turns around, not noticing how his eyes started to water up due to all these thoughts. However, he looks at Wilbur. The one that respects him, that knows who he is and still loves him. His brother. The one that made a pout when he perceived the tears wanting to fall, caressing the face of the smaller. 

“Toms… What’s up, hon?”, low and sweet, the phalanx strumming cautiously on his face. 

“I don’t want to wear a bikini.”, is the only thing he’s able to say. He sounds like a spoiled kid, looking without the context. Yet, knowing that his self-esteem is so low, that his body is still identified as a girl, Wilbur feels empathy. He sees the sadness in his eyes, the fear and the anxiousness. 

Sounds so stupid, crying just because you don’t want to wear something. He’s just overreacting, wanting attention, because that’s what he is.  _ An attention-whore. _

“It’s ok, you don’t need to. You can go with old clothes, or maybe some mine, ok?”, at first he was confused, then he understood. Sometimes he forgets how their lives are different, how their perception of their bodies is so different. “We’re going to have fun. You’re still my little brother, don’t need to feel pressed to use it.”

“It’s not strange?”, he wipes the tears, looking fondly at his brother.

“It’s not. You use whatever you want, it doesn’t describe what you are.”

It’s something that sometimes Tommy forgets.

That hair, clothes, bodies don’t describe anyone or how they identify as. It doesn’t resume a whole identity as the fact that someone is wearing a dress. Or their body is curvy. 

However, he still feels dysphoric, because society establishes the terms that to be a boy you have to be muscular, have sharp features, and a beard. Not soft skin, curvy waist, long hair… He comprehends it, but he still invalidates himself.

“Let’s go, hon. Use what you want, you still will be my insufferable little brother.”, he catches the other’s hands, shaking lightly, bobbing his arms like he’s dancing like a worm. It causes the teen to laugh, distracting from all the depressed thoughts about his body. 

“Shut up, I’m the big brother. Alpha male, big man.”, again, wipes the wetness from his face, astonishing completely the tears that insisted to get out. “Just me. I’m the only man in this house.”

“And what are we?”

“Bitches.”

Wilbur rolls his eyes, smiling right after when he hears the hysterical laugh from the other. Sometimes it’s better to provide the boy the taste of being a big man just to hear him laugh. If he has to admit to him that he’s a little bitch, just to hear this ridiculous laugh that contagions everyone in the room, he will do it.

It’s funny to think that.

That he would give his life to the teen laughing in front of him.

“Ok, come on. Go have a shower and meet us down the stairs.”, he messes around his hair, leaving the bedroom to give Tommy privacy.

He sits on the bed, stretching his body, listening to his muscles all cracking. It’s pleasant, making him growl in pleasure. His hands walk until the phalanges of his fingers feel his phone. 

Turning it up, he sees some notifications on Twitter, messages from the group with his best friends, also from the group with all Wilbur’s friends. Scratching his eyes again, he goes to the app. Instead of answering anything pending, he goes to Eret’s chat, seeing their last conversation.

It was something about Tubbo going to his house. Eret’s Tubbo responsible, since their parents died a few years ago. Thomas doesn’t know much about it and it’s not necessary - just if his friend wants to talk about it. 

He types.

  
  


**Thomas:** good morning

**deep eret:** Good morning, Thom!

Sleep well?

**Thomas:** not much

feeling a little off, big man

**deep eret:** Oh, that sucks:(

Want to talk about it?

**Thomas:** yeah

i was and still afraid of going to the beach

like uhhh everyone is literally half naked

and

and yeah

**deep eret:** I understand. But you don’t need to feel forced to wear something revealing. Just use something you feel comfortable with, no one is going to mind about it. 

**Thomas:** how r u so sure about it?

**deep eret:** It’s your clothes, Thom. Are you the one wearing it, why is this going to change the other’s lives?

**Thomas:** idk

maybe they’d be embarrassed staying by my side

**deep eret:** Trust me, they don’t :).

Clothes are just cloth. Nothing more

  
  


He sighs.

Even if Wilbur’s words made his heart easier, hearing these kinds of things from Eret makes him more chill. Because is Eret. They understand him.

  
  


**Thomas:** u dont feel like

that sometimes ur not trans?? 

**deep eret:** What do you mean?

**Thomas:** like 

u just wants attention

idk

**deep eret:** Hmm, yeah

In the first days I thought that I just wanted to be different. Because everyone from our family has something that makes each other different and so unique. Tubbo has dyslexia, Niki is german, and I’m Eret. Nothing more.

I thought I just wished to be transgender because I wanted to be different too.

**Thomas:** i feel like i just want attention because i didnt have

like almost all my life

**deep eret:** I’m sorry for this, Thom

But your family loves you and will give you all the attention that you want. Respect you, like Wilbur do

**Thomas:** i don't need any attention, eret

**deep eret:** Oh, sorry

**Thomas:** i never needed it.

you don’t know me and anything about me.

i have to go, bye.

**deep eret:** Thom wait

  
  


He doesn’t see the next messages.

Tommy just turns it off. 

**_(...)_ **

They had to rent a car with six seats. 

The plan was to stay with their car, but when Tommy pleaded for the company of his best friends, they were obligated to rent one bigger. Here they are, the trio on the back seats, even if it’s just two - they just didn’t accept being separated. 

Wilbur and Techno are in the middle seats, and obviously Phil is driving, the passenger seat by his side being occupied by some baggage. The older sibling is reading, don’t even flinch when the car turns around, or it’s shaking. The man acts like the movements remain nothing and he doesn’t feel nauseous at all. 

He’s crazy, that’s why Tommy is afraid of him sometimes.

Wilbur sometimes bickers around with his youngest brother, or even with his friends, for them being overly loud or just joking or talking about something he doesn’t want to listen to. Phil was expecting the trip wasn’t going to be any near calm, not having three chaotic children and more two that aren’t his.

But he gets surprised when silent sat.

He looks at the back seats, glimpsing the trio sleeping, resting their heads on each other. Wilbur was listening to something on his earphones, and Techno is still reading, not moving a muscle. 

A breathy smile, looking again to the road when he noticed the semaphore went green. They were going to stay in a small house, near the beach. Phil always saved money for use in vacations. It was a little bit more expensive than the other ones they made, however, for knowing how to control the money, it’s sufficient for at least two weeks there.

The house has three rooms, one bathroom, the kitchen and living room being connected. It has a small courtyard and a place to put a net to swing and rest.

It’s not expensive, or either cheap, being between. It’s perfect to a small family and just two weeks.

After two hours, they arrived. 

Phil stretched, hearing his muscles snap, for being seated for hours. The clock marks 11 AM, being the perfect time for them to arrange their things - since the sun is more strong at this hour, and he doesn’t want his sons to burn.

He looks behind again, seeing his older sons looking at him, stopping doing their things.

“We are here?”

“Yeah. Can you guys wake up your  _ sister  _ and the other two? I’m going to open the house.”, he left the automobile, closing the door cautiously. Wilbur sighed, scratching his eyes. He really wanted to sleep too, but he simply can’t sleep in the car.

“Oi, children, time to wake up.”, it’s really loud. He starts to tickle Thomas’s knee, knowing he’s ticklish there. It didn’t take too long for him to start laughing slightly, opening his eyes and avoiding the other’s hand. 

“Go fuck yourself, Wilbur.”, he growls, yawning. Ranboo also wakes up, since his sleep isn’t as heavy as Tubbo’s. As said, the older in the trio didn’t wake up, snoring and almost grooling at Tommy’s shoulder. 

“We are here. Dad is opening the house, let’s go help him bring the baggages.”, then, the olders brothers got out, going after their dad to get the car’s key to open the trunk. 

The blonde boy snorted, making a lazy expression. He wasn’t in the mood for carrying too much weight around. Ranboo, although, for being really respectful towards Philip, got out really quickly.

“Tubbo, psiu.”, he shook the boy, who just snuggled closer to the other’s body, making a pout. “Tubbo, you bitch, wake up already.”

Nothing.

“Oh my God, you’re so clingy.”

“I’m not clingy, bitch.”, he murmured, the voice a little bit hoarse. Toby lifted his head, his eyes almost closing due to the sleepness. Both glimpsed the little circle of wetness on Thomas’s shoulder.

“You fucking drooled on me!”, the other started to laugh, getting out the car the fastest he could, running away from the deadly hands. Eleanor also goes out, running after him, the two already using the courtyard like two kids.

While Ranboo, being one of the most responsible between his friends, helps Watson's family to put all the things inside. 

“Phiil!”, the blonde boy called, frustration on his voice. “Tubbo drooled on me!”, a whimper, the mentioned one just laughing and starting to help the others.

“You also drool all your pillowcase and I’m the one who cleans it.”

Everyone laughed at him, his cheeks starting to get red. 

That’s not fair.

With an embarrassed pout, he helps, all the things they brought already inside the house and ready to be put at its place. They separated the rooms that which one is going to sleep in. Phil, for being the responsible for all of them, stays alone in a double bed. Techno decided to share a room, and the trio, obviously, being together, all sleeping in the same bed - also a double one.

They waited for the perfect time to go to the beach. The ideal is to go in the morning, not having too many people, the sun is good and the water isn’t too cold. However, Wilbur really wanted to at least go today and show Ellie the good part of going to the beach.

Like that, after lunch and resting, they went to the beach. Thomas was wearing shorts and a t-shirt that Wilbur borrowed to him. Also, using his binder. His hair is in a bun, wanting to have his hair the most short as possible. If he feels it at his back, probably he’d start to cry. 

Nobody commented about not using something more feminine. Or forced him to wear something else.

He noticed the confused look from Philip, yet, the man didn’t say anything. Just wrapped his arm around the other, smiling. It’s not like he has to worry about it, since he’s not the one wearing it. 

His friends were wearing the same thing, basically. Techno was the most different, since he was wearing long sleeves, shorts, cap, sunglasses, and at least 4kg of sunscreen. All of that, as said before, because of his albinism. The oldest was saying all the time that he can’t forget to pass sunscreen, to protect himself, and blah blah blah. 

Like a dad that he is.

Beach.

For being sunday, there’re not many people. It’s windy, some children are playing in the water. The sun wasn’t too strong, probably because it’s 4 PM - what a relief for Techno. When they found a place, the oldest sibling straight away being underneath the umbrella. He has to stay there at least for fifteen minutes.

“Do you guys want something to drink?”, Philip placed all the chairs under the umbrella, sitting by Techno’s side when finished. 

“I think Wilbur wants some salty water.”, Thomas withdrew his flip flops, putting under the plastic table that was already there. “Let’s go, boys! Let’s drink some water!”

His friends also withdrew their shoes, the youngest already running to the sea. Ranboo was fast to outstrip him, since his legs are ginormous. He glimpsed at both, seeing they’re without their shirts, as expected. But shit, Tommy really wanted that fucking body.

“Did you guys like my 6 pack?”, Toby said, putting his hands on his waist, smiling like a model.

He doesn’t have a 6 pack. Instead, he’s a little bit chubby, the belly being perfect to do some fart noises on it. He’s still thin, but with a little paunch.

“I envy you, big man.”, he doesn’t know if this was a joke or a serious sentence. 

“Oh, I wish. How many girls would I get just by having little bread in my belly.”, it’s sarcastic, and it doesn’t fail to make the two teens laugh at it. Ranboo is lankier than probably his two friends, since Phil achieved Tommy gaining much more weight - sometimes he acts like  _ that  _ grandma. 

“Ranboo, listen to me: you don’t need a 6 pack to have women. Just be me and you’re already going to have 100 after you.”

“Shut up,  _ Ellie!” _ , with an exclamation, Tubbo drowned his friend, laughing, right after  _ Eleanor  _ coming back to the surface laughing. 

For the first time, he can exclude the pain in his heart. Of being called by this name he doesn’t identify as. To be seen like a  _ girl; _ a helpless one, so weak and obligated to have men to protect  _ her.  _

Thomas hates thinking that people said that to him.

That, he just wants to be a boy because he wants the power of a man, to not work at the kitchen every day, to command the house. He’s jealous of a life with so much power. He’s not a boy. He just wants power. He requires attention.

But these words can’t enter his mind, not right now, at least. Because he’s having so much fun, laughing. A wave came, drowning him and making his oldest friend fall, the trio practically dying of laughter. It's like the wave washed all of his thoughts, leaving him for the first time sincere happiness.

  
  


Then they play much more, pulling each other to the waves, splashing water, diving, jumping on each other’s back. He feels his stomach hurt from how much he laughed, even more when Tubbo jumped on Ranboo’s back, just to a massive wave come and take down both.

They come back to where the elders are, playing on the sand, building castles, enjoying his brother’s companies - since Techno can stay down the umbrella.

Like little kids, they buried Phil’s feet, and half Wilbur’s body. The responsible just took photos, not telling to pose, they were perfect just for being natural. Genuine smiles, happiness through the air.

His heart melts. 

The few nights he cried in fear of being unable to help  _ Eleanor _ , now reliefs his mind and heart.  _ She’s _ smiling, screaming when  _ her _ brothers start trying to bury  _ her, _ having kind and lovely friends; he can say how happy  _ she’s. _ The walk wasn’t easy. Through tears, panic attacks for being afraid of going to have trouble, fights and screams pleading to leave  _ her _ alone. To this.

It’s not the phase he undoubtedly wants, because she still is very closed about everything, wanting to stay in the bedroom or having anger on little things. However, it’s way better than before.

It’s so good.

“I think you can go now, Techno. But don’t stay below the sun too much, or I’m going to pull to sit here with your ear.”

His son is literally an adult by now, yet, listening to the threat makes chills go up to his spine.

“Don’t worry, today I don’t want to be a fried chicken.”

“I think it’s better to say fried pig, big man.”, the youngest got up, cleaning all the sand on his clothes. 

Wilbur and Techno share looks, after looking back at the teen.

When he noted what they have in mind, he started to run, hearing the laughs from Phil and friends. The worst thing of being the almost-shortest in the family, is his legs don’t help him to run away from his brothers. He feels arms wrap around his waist, lifting him up.

“NO! GET OFF ME! PHIIIIIIIIL!”, he screams while laughing, starting to struggle on William’s arms. Increasingly he’s near from the water, none of his friends helping him, just laughing. 

He could get off the other’s arms, just for Techno picks him, being more strong than the other. Whimpers left his mouth, not knowing if he would laugh, scream for help or try to run away from his brothers.

However, the oldest sibling drags him, the water engulfing around his body. When Thomas comes back to the surface, he sees his brother laughing loudly at him. The teen’s face remains a bored face, plotting how he can kill both without leaving traces or someone discovering.

“You are going with me, bitch!”, he pulls both Techno and Wilbur, cutting off their laughs as they fall in the water.

He runs for his life, laughing.

**_(...)_ **

6PM.

The sun is ready to set, the people leaving behind the trash they made, the sounds, leaving the natural place in silence and peace. Phil and Thomas are walking at the seashore, searching for shells to collect. Most are broken, still they took it, while talking briefly, allowing the wind to give a soundtrack to the moment.

It’s peaceful after a full day of running, playing and travelling. The others are in the house, both deciding to have a walk - actually, Phil asked for him to walk.

“... which eventually washes up on the shore. This is how seashells end up on here.”, Philip was explaining how it was made, both crouching while taking some at their hands. “Most of them are broken, which is sad. But, at least, we have it for the memories.”

“It’s cute.”, the boy sighs, acquiring a red with pink tints one. The other offers him a smile, opening his hand for him to give the shell. When given, he puts at a little bag, right after both standing up.

“We could make a necklace with these.”, they continued to wander, barefoot, the water washing up delicately on their feet. Tommy laughs breathly, his hands shoved up on the pockets of his pants.

“Cheesy.”, still laughing, Phil pushes him slightly. “Sometimes I forgot you lived with the dinosaurs.”

“Oh my God, I’m going to drown you, you child.”, now he laughs too, their laughs filling up the air.

A comfortable silence. Tommy loves everyone in Watson's family, but he can lie: he likes spending time with Phil the most. It’s serene, most of their moments in silence. However, that doesn't mean it’s bad. They don’t really need to talk to enjoy each other’s company.

“Phil, what you… What you think about transgenders?”, out of sudden, looking at the waves by his side. 

“Hm… I don’t know. They’re humans.”, he shrugs, looking at the taller one. “Why?”

“It’s just…”, he breathes heavily. “I have a friend inside the foster home. His… His name is Thomas.”

It just started coming out of his mouth. He doesn’t recognize why he’s doing this. Probably because he wants to hear the true thing, alone, not having the others by his side, so he can show the real face. The blonde boy trusts him, yet he wants to have sure.

“He came out as transgender there one year ago, and… People never were really nice with him.”, Phil doesn’t intervene, listening to it cautiously, looking at his  _ daughter’s _ expressions. “And I was… Afraid that maybe you wouldn’t like him, don’t know.”

“Oh,  _ Ellie, _ never. It’s not… It’s not like it changes my life, mate. The thing is about him, and we just have to respect it, y’know?”, he seeks for the best words. Philip doesn’t know why this subject came, still, he evaluates his best to give comfort to the other’s heart. “It sucks that they’re doing that to him… I hope he finds a home soon.”

“Me too…”, he sighs. “I-I was wondering because… Everyone makes a big deal of it, and… I thought I was the only one who doesn’t care.”,

“The people who work there were mean too?”

“Yeah.”

“Oh Gosh, what the fuck.”

_ I think I’m going to have four children soon. _

“The people that make this are stupid sons of bitches, don’t listen to what they say and don’t do the same. You just have to respect and show love for the next ones, kay?”, he caressed the  _ girl’s _ hair, as an answer  _ she  _ nodded, seemed happy. “I’m proud of you for standing next to him.”

Oh, shit, he wants to cry.

_ Proud of you. _ These words always will hit hard on his heart. He feels so stupid for talk about him as a third person, like he’s in a movie or even in a book. Yet, apparently it was worth it. To listen to his dad figure these words… Is so, so good. Oh fuck, how much he feels valid right now.

“So, tell me…”, he starts, a little smile on his face. “Yesterday you made fun of me, now it’s my time. Do you like someone?”

_ Someone. _ Not a boy. Someone. A person, whatever they are. 

_ So lucky. _

“Hm… Not exactly.”, Tommy scratches the back of his head, the cheeks starting to blush. Philip left a boisterous laugh when he perceived it, passing his arm around the taller’s shoulders, hugging. “It’s a girl.”

“Ooh… What’s her name?”

“You don’t mind?”

“As I said, it’s not my life, mate.”, he shrugged again, giving  _ her  _ a smile. “Tell me about her.”

Every day he’s surprised by the simple human decency from his family.

**_(...)_ **

2 AM.

Thomas can’t sleep.

Actually, there’s no reason for it. He just can’t. He turns around a million times. He feels Ranboo sometimes hugging his body, or Toby, for being spacious, throwing a leg on top of his body. The house is completely silent, the heat is good, everything is ok.

But shit, he still can’t sleep.

So he gets up, leaving cautiously River’s arms, just for him to embrace the older friend right after. With light steps, he goes to the living room, which was in complete darkness.

This was what he thought he’d see.

The wall’s light from the kitchen lights up almost all the room, not being so strong to wake up the others at the house. Sitting by the couch, Wilbur plays with his yo-yo, distracted, looking at the roof.

Although he listens to the creak of the door, looking at the teen. 

“What are you doing woke up at this time?”, the younger straight up asked, sitting at the end of the couch, since it has space for being really big. 

“I have the same question for you.”

Silence.

_ Checkmate. _

“I can’t sleep.”, the tallest starts, stopping playing with the yo-yo and putting it by his side. “What about you?”

  
  


“Same, big man.”

Silence again.

Both have sleep in their eyes, pleading for them to close their eyelids and have some rest. Today and the next days will be full, and they really need to rest well. However, their minds just decided to stay up, rushing thoughts, memories, making them wonder about their lives.

“Phil is so cool.”

“I know.”, he smiles, still laying. Silently, he provides space to the other, who doesn’t hesitate to lay by his side, almost falling. “Why that out of sudden?”

“I told him about Nataly and… And having a trans friend called Thomas.”, Tommy listened to his brother hum, encouraging him to keep talking. “He said really nice things.”

“As I said, it doesn’t matter, hon.”, the smile in his voice is palpable, causing his heart to soften from the fondness and love radiating from the other. “I hope you tell him soon.”

“I… I was thinking to say to him when we came back to home.”, a shaky smile escapes from his face, letting the heaviness of these words get out of his throat. He repeats what he just said, occasioning him to create more and more courage and anxiousness to come out. 

“Really?”, Wilbur smiles widely, tilting his head a little to see the other’s expression. Thomas nods, smiling too. “Oh, I’m so happy, Toms. Really, I’m so happy for you.”, a tight hug, squeezing the smaller body against his. 

“I can’t breathe, bitch.”

“Sorry.”, laughing slightly, still having an arm around Tommy’s body, he separate the hug. “I just... Really, this made my day.”

“Stop. No crying today.”

More little giggles.

Gradually, the comical noises gained an end, the silence sitting again by their side. Their breaths and Tubbo’s snores are all the things they can listen to. Maybe some crickets too, or the ruffle of the leaves and the wind hitting lightly the windows. Up until now, their ears just capture the sound of each other’s heart, Thomas's head laying on top of the other’s chest.

It’s comforting. Warm, and he could sleep easily here. But he wants to talk more, to share experiences, to say to his brother about how excited he’s to tell Phil or to maybe try to talk to Nataly. 

_ So lucky. _

“I was… Really afraid when I told you that day.”, he started, making unconscious drawings on the other’s shirt. “There’s this house where I stayed for a year, and… There I noticed who I am. The right word for me.”, a deep sigh, dropping the rocks from keeping this memory on his heart. “And there’s this boy… He was, like, I felt the same thing I feel about you. We were really close and… He was my best friend.”

Wilbur wanted to joke about the little boy just admitting that he’s his best friend. However, he merely listened to it, stroking his fingers through the blonde hair.

“And I told him, but… He didn’t react well. He told his parents and…”, he squeezes his hand, gripping the other’s shirt between his fingers.

“I understand, you don’t need to say it.”, a low and fond murmur, leaving a kiss on top of his head.

“Thank you.”, the whisper came out with a sigh, almost being unable to comprehend it. “After that day they sent me there, and said something about that I beat up their kids and they defended themselves, and… I didn’t have an opportunity to say something. They punished me.”

He bites his lower lip.

“And… And I’m really grateful for having you, Will. You mean… You’re my brother.”, Thomas sighs profoundly, feeling one more kiss on top of his head.

“I’m so happy to have you too, Toms.”, his whisper is breathy, shaky, like he’s about to cry. Wilbur gulps the urge of letting it flow, accomplishing the promise of not crying today. “I think I never told you about my biological parents.”

“Hm… No.”

“Well… Yeah. I was the unique child, and my mom was sixteen when she had me. I obviously don’t remember the first years of my life, but… These memories never left my mind.”, he looks at the roof, like he’s reviving all the memories there, seeing the little William and his mother, caressing the other’s hair mindlessly. “I remember her sitting at the table, drinking alcohol… And she talked about my dad.”

The disgust came to his throat.

“That time I didn’t understand, but, right now… It hurts. She used to say my dad destroyed her life, that she obligated her to do  _ this.”,  _ the taller one simply can’t mention the disgusting word, he hopes his brother understands it. “She never did anything to me… She wasn’t, like, affectionate, but she took care of me.”

Silence. William sighed heavily again.

“When I was seven, she tried killing me.”

The words caught Tommy’s out of guard, his eyes widening right away.

“She had a gun, but a neighbour listened to the mess, and… She killed herself.”, a melancholy smile opens his face, resting his chin on the top of Thomas’s head. “I… I really wanted her to put me up for adoption when I was born. Or aborted me, I don’t know. My mom was a kind person. She didn’t deserve this, to see my face and remind him.”

“I’m so sorry, Will.”

“It’s… It’s ok. Already passed. Sometimes I wonder about it, of how much she could live, I wanted her to be happy and heal.”, his voice was embargoed by the urge of crying. It’s a heavy subject for many reasons, yet, admitting these feelings out loud makes everything harder. 

“She’s in a better place right now. She can rest in peace.”

For the first time he heard something intimate from his brother.

Tommy wanted to cry too, because listening to the story, feeling the emotions from the other’s voice, made his heart break. He lubberly hugs his body, trying to give a little comfort. He’s like Techno: not very good at words either touches.

“I’m happy you’re here, Will.”

It’s something he had to declare.

He doesn’t know if he feels guilty about his mother’s death. That he genuinely wanted to solely not exist just for her be happy - he totally understands it. Yet, he has wanted to make sure to his brother that… That people want him here. That probably his mom thought about it too, since she didn’t abort, deciding to take care of him even having all the pain.

Thomas is happy to have everyone right now. To hug tightly his brother when little tears escaped his eyes. To have people to call as a family.

He’s happy about finding a home.

  
  
  



End file.
